Girl: I’ll drink for charity. I mean, I’m gonna be drinking anyway, so sure.

–Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: Thomas

Chick in Santa suit, on cell: How’s it going? Santa’s sobering up.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo to pigeon walking toward his booze: Get away from that, you alcoholic bitch!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Shanaca

Girl to friend: I’m not drunk, I just like the way it feels on my skin!

–2nd St & Ave B

Chick on cell: … So you were like, ‘I should become an alcoholic.’

–Mulberry & Spring

Grad student, slowly: I followed you down the bedrunkenation path.

–International Affairs building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl: My friend wants to get a wheelchair and put a keg on it. He wants to call it ‘handi-tapped.’

–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Mariah