Wednesday One-Liners Are Going to Need to Wand You

Black security guard: Hello, and welcome to Urban Outfitters. Break it down, break it down, break it down, break it down, break it down...

--Urban Outfitters, 6th Ave

Security guy to woman whose bag is in the machine: Lady, there is something Batman-shaped in your bag. Do you have Batman in your bag? Are you aware that you are not allowed to take American heroes out of the country?

--LaGuardia

Overheard by: Susan

Big security guard: Put your IDs in the air! ... And wave 'em around like you just don't care!

--NYU SIlver Building

Security guard, into walkie talkie: Ice, get your balls out of your wife's purse, and kick that guy out!

--Music Hall of Williamsburg, Jonathan Richman concert

Overheard by: j-bones