50-year-old female crackhead hobo chasing a 30-year-old male post office worker: Why won't you fuck me? Come fuck me! Are you too scared to fuck me?!

–50th St & 5th Ave

Man talking to stranger outside peep show: No, no, no. This is a peep show. If you want to fuck someone, you have to go somewhere else.

–8th Ave, Midtown

Horny NYU hipster: I haven't had sex in 3 months! If I were a heroin addict I'd have been clean for 2 months already!

–NYU

Loud middle-aged woman on cell: And I was like, "Don't worry, lady, I'm not getting any action!"

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: the libbernator

Old man to old lady: No, I will not bonk you!

–Avenue J & E 12 St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert