Female baggage handler to male colleague: I don't drink tequila no more. That's how I got my first kid.

–LaGuardia Airport

Very impressed girl on cell: Whoa! You actually remembered her name this time? Were you not drunk?

–12th St & University Place

Overheard by: Mr. Hedge

Seemingly sober grad student: Let's face it. We'll be drunk in (checks watch) fifteen minutes.

–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

NYC police officer: How hard can it be to find a drunk person on this floor?

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Vanessa

Girl with drink, to friends: This will have to be my last one, guys, I have to go babysit.

–Greenwich Ave & Charles Street

Overheard by: Jodi