Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts! –53rd & Lexington Subway Station Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal! –14th & 3rd Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate. –Queens Center Food Court Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist. –Penn Station Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off. –15th St & 9th St Overheard by: Spicoli Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate? –R Train