Conductor on loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a slight signal problem ahead of us. There are several supervisors working to flip a coin and decide how we should proceed. Once they work that out, we'll be on to 125th Street, and it should be smooth sailing from there.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Melissa

Conductor: Do not shove! Stand clear of the doors! Ladies and gentlemen, there is another train directly behind this one. Look, people, we have to work together. If you get pick-pocketed, molested, or rubbed the wrong way, you only have yourselves to blame!

–6 Train

Overheard by: wondergirl

Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Stay calm, people. We are not going down. Repeat: this is not the Titanic, we are not going down!

–3 Train

Overheard by: C

Conductor: This train will now be running express so I suggest you get on this train… Hey you! Sitting on the bench! Get on this train now!

–R Train

Overheard by: kinda scared

Train conductor over loudspeaker: Good evening, Heather.

–Stamford-Bound Metro North Train

Overheard by: Dianachka

Conductor: Attention passengers, this is the almost always delayed 6:18 express train to Long Branch. If you were inconvenienced by the delay, shame on you, you should know New Jersey transit never operates on schedule.

–NJ Transit

Conductor: This is 7th Avenue, just three blocks from the 4th Avenue stop. You could have walked!

–F Train