Security guard #1: I tolz him, if he looked at my woman again, I'd cut 'em in the dick. And he did, so I cut 'em in the dick.
Security guard #2: Aw, hell no! You can't just go around doin' that! I stabbed a dude once! But it was back in the 70s and I kept it way down on the downlow, no one ever found out. –Harware Store, Upper East Side