Wednesday One-Liners Are What She Said

Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?

--Q Train

Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture... When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.

--Liberty Park

Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.

--Queens

Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.

--Broadway

Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?

--PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Lex