If Everybody You Meet Is a Wednesday One-Liner, Check the Mirror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like... my asshole.

--11th & Broadway

Overheard by: Z

Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.

--Brooklyn Public House

Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies

Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?

--Office, Midtown

Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!

--Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!!

--Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hollister