Wednesday Airliners

Stewardess: Welcome to New York, and on behalf of United Airlines we'd like to thank you for choosing us. Once again, this really is New York.

--La Guardia Airport

Pilot: Ladies and gentleman, we're going through some turbulence. Make sure you are seated with your belts fastened. I will get back to you when we start our descent. (noise in the intercom) This is not looking good.

--Near JFK Airport

Overheard by: We managed to land...

Stewardess on flight leaving for Chicago: Now, I realize that most of you have the following safety video memorized. However, you never know if the person sitting next to you is a first time flier, particularly safety-conscious, or an FAA inspector.

--La Guardia International Airport

Flight attendant, over PA: There will be no smoking aboard this flight. Alaska Airlines is a completely smoke-free airline...and, frankly, it's just bad for your health.

--Flight to Newark Airport

Overheard by: wink

Flight attendant: Sorry, guys, but we're still waiting on one more passenger. (pause) How many of you think we should just leave him? (half the passengers raise their hands) New Yorkers, New Yorkers...

--JFK to Ft. Lauderdale Flight