Conductor over PA: Attention passengers, ladies and gentlemen, this is the train to… Um… Where the hell are we going? Train to somewhere. Let's go somewhere! –LIRR, Penn Station Overheard by: Rob T Firefly NJ transit conductor: If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the front two cars. If you are wearing your headphones, I don't want to hear you complain later. (five minutes later) If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the first two cars. If you are confused about where the front of the train is, it's the way we are facing and the way the train is moving. Just turn the same way the train is moving and walk up to the front two cars. –Penn Station Conductor: This is a downtown 1 train. Sorry, an uptown 1 train. The next stop is 110th. Actually, the next stop is 103rd. Stand clear of the closing doors. –1 Train Overheard by: Samantha Conductor: Next stop is Wall Street. Wall Street, where they compromise everything. –Downtown 2 Train Overheard by: Ellen Angry conductor: We apologize for the delay in service while the police inspected the train. Contrary to popular belief, there are no dead people on this train. –Downtown N Train Overheard by: Dead Men Can't Talk Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped because of… Because of… Fuck! I don't know. –6 Train