Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St. –4 Express Train Overheard by: Lexington Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there. –Downtown 4 Train Overheard by: Donz Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave! –7 Train Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up? Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off. –Fordham Rd, Bronx Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late. Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train. –NJ Transit Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day! –F Train