Hipster: You just can't pretend you're asleep when someone sits on your dick. –110th & Amsterdam Ave Overheard by: Alvionne Guy: Dude, I think I have mono… I slept like thirteen hours last night. –Columbia Man to two children he's leading by their hands: You went to bed late last night, so that's why the bogeyman gave your mother a black eye. –Borough Hall, Brooklyn 40-something on cell: So I've been having a problem recently. I use my phone as my alarm clock and every single morning when it goes off I look at my phone and it says "snooze" or "dismiss," but because I'm half asleep I always think "snooze" is "snooki" and I get really confused. So every morning I stare at my phone, and I'm barely awake, and I think, "how are my options snooki or dismiss?" What's going on? And sometimes I actually hit dismiss because I figure "snooki" can't possibly be the right answer. I don't know what's going on with me, but I blame it entirely on you. –Court & Street, Brooklyn