The Bell Tolls for Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.

–NYU

Overheard by: Kelly

Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’

–Albert Einstein College of Medicine

Overheard by: BuddyblueJD

15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!

The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25

20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: mkr

Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!

–25th & 1st

Wednesday One-liners Want Sexual Healing

Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass. –11th & 2nd Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning. –Post office, Park Slope Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters… –In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square Overheard by: Carol Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?” –Lafayette & Bond Overheard by: jayloo

I’ve Tried the Police, but We Keep Getting Disconnected

Diva customer: How do I find out who was answering the phone this morning?!
Salesgirl: Um… It could have been anybody, I’m not sure…
Diva customer: Pshhh.
Salesgirl: I’m sorry. Why did you want to know?
Diva customer: Because this girl I talked to told me that you all had the Erin Skinny Destroyed jeans in the light color, and now y’all don’t have them, and I wanna report her!
Salesgirl: Um… Sorry.

–Abercrombie & Fitch, 5th Ave