Wednesday One-Liners Still Giggle When They Say “Stimulus Package”

Mother to preschool-aged child: That's the New York Stock Exchange. That's where we lose all our money.

–Outside NYSE

Overheard by: Angel

Man to four-shoe-pair-buying wife: It's people like you who confuse the economists.

–Macy's

Toll booth operator to chick in car during rush hour: So, what's your take on the economy these days?

–Verrazano Bridge

Young dudes, watching suits take Queens train at 9 am: Oooh! They got fired.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn

Like I said, ‘Look! It’s Daryl Hannah!’

Teenage tourist, pointing: Mom, look! It’s Daryl Hannah!
Mom: Honey, that’s not Daryl Hannah. That’s one of those transgender people. –Downtown 6 train, 77th St Overheard by: Anne
Headline by: pontiac
Runners-Up:
·
“As I Always Say, ‘If You Can’t Tell, It Doesn’t Matter.'” – Dave
· “Must Be Nicolette Sheridan’s Day Off.” – target="_blank">seamus
· “Not to Mention She’s still Tied to a Walnut Tree in LA” – Liz!
· “Perhaps the Blade Runner Left an Angry Inch” – megs
· “So That’s Where She Went.” – Eamon Stimson
· “Technically, They’re Both Right” – Wes Mantooth
· “Tom Hanks Thought It Was a Fish Tail.” -peter
· “Who Says ‘Ambiguous’ Isn’t a Classic Look?” –
Dame Droiture

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Unkindest Cutlet Of All

Dude trying to buy a deli sandwich: Yo, that chicken cutlet… Is that chicken or fish?
Deli guy: It's beef.
(really long pause)
Dude
: Is it chicken or fish?

Deli guy: What are smoking, man? What kind of question is that? It's a chicken cutlet.
(another long pause)
Dude
: Nah, for real. Is it chicken?

Deli guy: Yeah! It's chicken!
Dude: So, how come it looks like fish?
Deli guy: Because chickens lay eggs… And fish also lay eggs.
Dude: Alright.
(long pause, then dude looks for someone else in the back)
Dude
: What happened to my friend who works here?


–Broadway & 204th St