Yuppie in Yabby, in Williamsburg: “I didn’t mean to turn my sister into a lesbian! It just happened!”
Man wearing fork bracelet (to woman wearing fork bracelet): Oh my God! Is that an actual fork? –Union Square North
Hipster #1: People in France are so fucked up.
Hipster #2: Not all of them. Only 20%.
Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that? –Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst
Where: E. 86th St. Mother to kindergartener: “You do too know who Derek Jeter is! He da one with da nice butt–BOOM!!”
A young girl selling M&Ms on the A train: “Hey, I’m not here for no basketball team or anything, but if ya’ll want to give me some money, that’s cool.” Note: she got quite a few sales, as well as a guy’s number
Hobo: Fuck God! I am God, and God is dead. –Bedford Ave, Williamsburg
Where: Bedford Ave., Yuppietown Hobo: …and the rest of you will be buried in cement!
NYU Girl #1: Oh my god! I was so drunk this weekend, and now my legs are covered in bruises. They look terrible, you have no idea. I don’t even know how I got them.
NYU Girl #2: Ha, ha! I love when that happens. I love drunk bruises. –NYU Elevator Overheard by: Stephanie
Businessman: She said there’s an area in Brooklyn where all they speak is Russian. You can go blocks without hearing English. They refuse to speak it. –Midtown office