Wednesday One Liners Lie about Their Size

Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!

–MacDougal Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!

–47th & 5th

10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!

–11th & 3rd

Overheard by: Hannah

Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sydney

Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’

–49th & 7th

Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!

–Bodies Exhibit

Overheard by: a.j.w.

Either That or a Nazi Jew

14-year-old black boy: Can we get off this block? I hate this block! I hate cops!
11-year-old black boy: Why?
14-year-old black boy: Because it’s in black people’s nature to hate cops.
11-year-old black boy, after long pause: So, you want to be a cop?

–123rd & 8th

Overheard by: Tanya

Headline by: kai

Runners-Up:
· “And Before the Session’s Over Let’s Talk About How You Hate Yo Momma ’cause She So Fat.” – JohnnyB

· “Fuck It. You Wanna Play Robbers and Robbers?” – La Libertad
· “If They Can Beat You, Join ‘em” – Sim Etrias
· “Look What It Did for Ice T” – Otter


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Like the ’60s, but Not So Fake

Teen latina #1: … And I asked this boy’s name and he was like, ‘Renaissance.’ And I was like, ‘Is that the name your mama gave you?’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, Renaissance.’
Teen latina #2: What’s his name?
Teen latina #1: Renaissance. You know, like… Renaissance. Like… Renaissance. Ren-aissance. Like, when there used to be princesses and shit. Like, they’d dress all… You know, the Renaissance.

–1 train, 103rd St

Overheard by: EthanK

Ever Since It Didn’t Happen Yet, Things Just Haven’t Been the Same

College kid: They should put up a question on the big screen that says, ‘Who fucked up the playoffs two years in a row for us: A) Number 13, B) ARod, C) Alex Rodriguez, or D) All of the above?
Friend: … Or maybe Kevin Brown.
Man in front of them: The future ain’t what it used to be…

–Yankee Stadium