To the Smartphone, Batman!

Preppy kid to fellow preppy kids: "oh, man, I didn't realize jet li was still alive!"
Preppy friend: "who?"
Preppy kid: "you know, jet li. That asian… Karate… Guy."
Preppy friend: "you mean bruce lee?"
Preppy kid: "… No…"

–Queens-bound R Train

Overheard by: Kate

…Which May Vary by State

Girl #1, turning left: This way?
Guy: Your other left.
Girl #2, almost simultaneously: Your other right.

–Mott St

Wednesday One-Liners Are Probably a Nine… Maybe a Nine and a Half

Preppy chick: She’s lucky that she’s so beautiful that she can have a name like ‘Agnes.’

–12th & Park Ave South

Overheard by: fey

Hipster chick: Hey! I didn’t know it was you — you look so pretty!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: triphere

Man, to no one: The federal government is after the woman. You know why? Because she breeds, dammit! But she’s gonna get old, and I’m not paying child support! If a woman is so beautiful, then why can’t she use the toilet?

–4 train

Woman on cell: That ho said my baby girl was beautiful! I said, ‘I know she beautiful — I made that bitch!’

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Robbie

Mom to four-year-old daughter: I do not need you telling me I’m not beautiful on the inside!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Kates

It’s Not Like We Hung a Pussies Welcome Sign

Guy on cell: You don’t want to move here…No! I’m telling you, this place sucks. You make $1000 bucks a week, $600 after taxes. Then you can’t go to all of the fun bars and places like that because you can’t freakin’ afford it. All you end up doing is watching all of the freakin’ wealthy people go out and have a good time. Dude, I’m telling you, it’s not what it’s hyped to be. I was totally tricked. –Houston & Lafayette