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November 2003 Archives
Take, Eat, This is My Body
Girl #1: My friend Chandra thinks she's still a virgin because she's only had anal sex.
Girl #2: How do you know this girl?
Girl #1: She goes to my church.
--New York Public Library, 40th & 5th
Overheard by: Renee Rogers
The Implants Went Straight to Her Head
Hot chick: You know what? I hate all men. I have two nieces so I don't even need to have kids. I can have sex any time I want, so I'm happy.
--Art Gallery, SoHo
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Someone Please Punch Her
Bitch: Oh hi! We were just speaking very poorly about you!
--Art Gallery, SoHo
Overheard by: Tibbie X
But you aren't?
Yuppie: You're such a third-generation American Jew.
-- Upper West Side
When Queer Eye Attacks
Nut: Fucking homosexual! Watching another man do his business. You must be gay.
--Union Square
Where to Begin Correcting That Sentence?
A couple of black kids are pushing around a Hispanic kid, who is holding a spoon covered in chocolate pudding for some reason.
Black Kid: Wipe that shit off, nigger. Wipe it off!
--14th St. & 1st Ave.
Visit Historic Gotham
New Yorker: There's the Brooklyn Bridge over there. You can walk over it.
Tourist: Really?
New Yorker: Yep.
Tourist: And is this City Hall?
New Yorker: Yes. I don't know this area very well...there's Starbucks!
--City Hall Park
I Love Table Tennis, However
Young man #1: Do you want to play ping pong?
Young man #2: No.
Young man #1: Do you play ping pong?
Young man #2: No.
Young man #1: REALLY?????? You don't play ping pong?????
--N. 11th St, Williamsburg
Thankfully There's Only 2 From Each State
Man #1: They're just a bunch of high-class lowlifes.
Man #2: Yeah, and I'm one of them!
--D'Agastino's, 26th St.
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Actually She Gave Me Some Good Chick Advice
Literary Agent: I'm full of shit. I can't help it!
--36th Street
Out of Wedlock Fun
His Baby's Momma: He don't pay child support. He don't ever see her. That's it! I'm calling his fucking parole officer!
--West Village
Piss Off
Man Urinating Publicly: What do I care? I'm a convict!
--Waverly Place
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Those Satanic Greeks
A group of punks walk by the Hellenic Steaks restaurant.
Punk: This restaurant is perfect for me: I love steak, and I love Satan!
--Astoria
What About Science?
Waitress: Is that book you're reading fiction or theory?
--Cosi
I'm Like a Chocoholic, Except with Vodka
Employee: I bring my beer in the shower with me and I put it on the ledge so it doesn't get wet. Sometimes I also have a couple of shots in the kitchen.
--Office, Midtown
Overheard by: Jenny Rogers
That's Lunacy
Young Son: Is there a Mars eclipse, too?
Father: There's no Mars eclipse, there's Marzipan, but no Mars eclipse.
--Watching the eclipse, West Village
Chinese Restaurant Fun
Waitress: Is this your granddaughter?
Grandma: Yes.
Waitress: She looks just like you.
Grandma: No, she looks like my son's mother-in-law.
Waitress: Mother-in-law?
Grandma: She's a big woman.
--Chinese Restaurant, UWS
You Kooky Capitalists
Customer: Can I pay by debit?
Checkout Hippie: Yes. [laughter]
Customer: Why are you laughing?
Checkout Hippie: Because I thought what you said was funny.
Customer: OK...
--Organic Market, East Village
Maybe We'll Type Hamlet
Yuppie: We shouldn't be using our brains to simulate monkeys.
--Broadway & 72nd
Obviously a Just Society
Yuppie: People at South Africa talk so much less racist than in NY. Everyone tells many more racist jokes in New York than in South Africa.
--Sutton Place
The Worst Pick-up Line Ever
Wannabe Player: It is a pleasure to have the honor of being in your company.
--Halloween Party, Greenwich Village
I'm Enjoying the Sodomy, Though
Gay #1: How is being gay going for you?
Gay #2: I don't really jibe with the culture.
Gay #1: Like what?
Gay #2: The music.
--7A Cafe, East Village
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