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December 2003 Archives
No, you really don't want to be there
Yuppie: If I could be anywhere in the world now, I would be in the West Bank.
-- Cafe, Williamsburg
Some Shot!
Young Woman: Are you part Italian?
Older Woman: I'm Italian by injection!
--Private party, NYC
What Is He, A Dentist?
Crone: It's 2:30! Shoot me, please. Why did I ever marry that man?
--Office, 36th Street
Fun with the Elderly
Old Man: You put your hands on me again, I'll cut your fucking throat.
--Post Office, Bensonhurst
That's Stamina
Guy #1: Look at that ass.
Guy #2: That is tight.
Guy #1: Man, I would have came eight times.
--W Train
There's Gay, and Then There's AIDS Gay
Gay Man #1: I like your coat.
Gay Man #2: Where did you get it?
Gay Man #1: Gucci.
Gay Man #2: Gucci, Gucci, Goo!
--Elevator, Manhattan
That's Public Service for You
One postal agent to other, speaking of the UPS agent nearby: Tell him to pick up all the heavy boxes, especially for the walk-ups.
--Bleecker street
Overheard by: Disco Lama
Fun with the Homeless
New York's Friendliest Hobo: Your hair looks nice. MISS! YOUR HAIR LOOKS GOOD!
--Midtown
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
I Get More Action With Them
Schoolgirl: I'm the only one at school that wears wild stockings.
--M79 Bus
Overheard by: Fred Weiner
Those Wacky Homeless
Hobo: It's not like I even mean to keep talking. I don't wanna keep talking. They fucked up when they started making Taco Bell Doritos. They take away the molasses! Why? Because they know I like it. I smoked crack with the FBI. Hasta la vista, nigger. Next time I see you, I'm gonna blow crack smoke into your head, you fucking bitch.
--W Train
Malice Goes to Style Court
Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don't tell me in two hours. I'd rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I'll shoot myself and then jump. I'll be falling with a gun to my head.
--Style Court Plaintiff Room
Malice Goes to Style Court
Walkie Talkie: Style for Lori. You've got a guest freaking out upstairs. Get up here.
--Style Court Plaintiff Room
Malice Goes to Style Court
Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she's got a good body.
--Style Court Audience
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Don't Need No Crystal Ball
Girl: I'm going to do voodoo on her.
Guy: Is she black?
Girl: Yeah. The thing is that whatever you do comes back three times against you, so I'm going to have to do santeria to take it off.
--W Train
Hobo Fun
Touchingly Humorous Bum: Yo, what are you doing in my house? You assholes! You don't knock, you don't wipe your feet. You're so rude. I'm just kidding. I'm not even homeless. I don't want to go home to my wife. She's 380 pounds. I gotta work full time and beg in my time off just to feed the bitch.
--A Train
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Weightlifter Wisdom
Bodybuilder: Dude, I was ignoring all the RED FLAGS that were going up about my relationship! You GOTTA ask yourself whether you're gonna let her do that to you!
--71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
King Howard, '04
Blowhard: America, like any country, is full of fucking idiots. I hate democracy because I hate these fucking people. Fuck democracy. I believe in fucking monarchy.
--Belly Bar
Another One Off the Friends List
Angry Girl: And she wrote it on her Live Journal!
--14th St. & 1st
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Fun with the Gentler Sex
Chick: ...and the next thing I knew, I kicked her ass three times.
--Lolita Bar
Bookstore Fun
Strand Girl: Hey, Beth!
Beth: Yeah?
Strand Girl: Phone call.
Beth: Who is it?
Strand Girl: It's Christopher, posing as an English person.
--The Strand basement, Broadway & 12th St.
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