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January 2004 Archives
Maybe Your Straw is Too Thin
Man: These girls love the orange juice taste, but they just can't handle the pulp.
--Bubby's, Hudson St.
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
And What's Her Number?
Guy: She does the hard stuff first. She leaves the fun and easy stuff for the end.
--Funayama, Greenwich Village
Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss Plan
Guy: Spam with Cheez Whiz. That's my new diet.
--Funayama, Greenwich Village
They Met at the USPS
Fat Slob: I think I love you, babe. Ooh, that tattoo is cute. "Rot in Peace."
--Post Office, Bensonhurst
That's a Show I Want to See
American Man: Do they know in Africa who Helen Keller is?
African Woman: Yes...didn't she have a television show a couple of years ago?
--Forest Hills
Chivalry Ain't Dead
Chick: He bumped against me. He said, "I'm sorry." I said, "That's OK." I didn't realize he was shoving me out of the way to take my seat!
--F Train
Ms. Manners 2004
Girl: She's a lesbian. Why are you trying to find an excuse that she's not a lesbian? That's very rude.
--W Train
God Bless the ACLU
Cop: Come on, you're coming with me.
Educated youth: Naw, man! I got my third right amendment! My third right amendment!
["No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law."]
--42nd & 7th
Damn Effete Gangsters
Drunk: They're, like, Mafia terrorists! ...but they're French.
--Divine Bar West
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Define "Fame"
Chick: It's the biggest Wal-Mart in Arkansas. That's their claim to fame.
--Tennessee Mountain, SoHo
Old MacDonald Had a Gay Bar
Gay Guy #1: How'd you like that trough?
Gay Guy #2: What trough?
Gay Guy #1: The trough you pissed in.
Gay Guy #2: Oh, I loved it!
--Slide, East Village
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Yes, The Janitors are Our Future
Yuppie #1: It's just like in that movie, Good Will Hunting.
Yuppie #2: I never saw that.
Yuppie #1: What?! Dude, that movie's like the voice of our generation!
Yuppie #2: Whatever.
--Northeast entrance to Madison Square Park
Contrubuted by: Scott Nybakken
The Other Apprentice
Guy: If you're a cokehead you can really climb the corporate ladder. That's all those guys making six figures.
Girl: It's in American Psycho.
Guy: Then they burn out and the new guys come in.
--Lakeside Lounge, Ave. B
Putting the DNC Back in Dancing
Guy: Are you more of a Democrat or a Republican?
Girl: Hmm. That's a tough one. It's like being in West Side Story.
--Tennessee Mountain, SoHo
I Don't Think Andy Dick is a Fan
Girl: I may be misinterpreting Rocky Horror Picture Show, but what gay man doesn't love a movie about singing transvestites? These queens are so picky.
--30th and 5th
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Paging Def Leppard
Male Employee: No, that's hemophilia. Hypoglycemia is, like, when your
body produces more sugar than your system can handle.
Female Employee: Yeah! That's me!
--Lord & Taylor
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Meet, Eat. Whichever.
Moustached Fat Man: So I started my own 'zine. Hopefully I'll meet people.
--Astor Place
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Good Old Mullethead
Twit: What's that song Richard Marx sang?
Chick: Right Here Waiting.
Twit: There's another one.
Chick: I don't know.
Twit: It's going to drive me crazy until I remember. Oh wait! I know! Right Here Waiting for You!
Chick: That's the same song.
--Winnie's, Chinatown
And By 'Remember' I Mean 'Imagine'
A protestor holds a banner reading "Stop the Police State" and is wearing a t-shirt that says the same. He turns to the policeman standing next to him.
Protestor: Do you remember how civilians stopped tanks in Tiannamen Square in 1989? That would NEVER happen here--tanks don't stop for people here.
--Union Square
What Have They Ever Done to Hurt Anyone?
Effeminate guy on cell phone: ...And we don't want any fat German ladies
in the house.
--Post office, 23rd and Lex
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
It's Enough to Drive You to Drink
Girl: I can't, like, believe I'm in this, like, fucking crazy, weird AA subculture!
--25th and 3rd
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Science without Science
Yuppie: I was just teaching the scientific method to my students.
Nerd: Oh, so you teach them induction and deduction?
Yuppie: [long pause] The students aren't that smart so I don't teach them big words like those.
-- Party, Manhattan
Urban Winetasting
Black Guy: You're gonna drink that? It'll make you throw up. You've gotta be hard. You need your nigger-tongue if you wanna drink that shit.
--Deli, 12th St. & 4th Ave.
Overheard Advice
Guy #1: So I'm not sure what to do.
Guy #2: If you want to know something from somebody, get them drunk.
--8th Street N/R Station
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