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February 2004 Archives
By and large
Former Columbia student: By and large, Barnard girls are Bi and Large.
-- East Village, private party full of recent Columbia alumni
Now that's Union Activism
Yuppie #1: Yesterday we had a strike at Dow Jones.
Yuppie #2: What was it about?
Yuppie #1: Oh, union stuff.
Yuppie #2: What did you do?
Yuppie #1: Well, we all just took a 15-minute lunch break at the same time. It was less a "strike" and more a "coordinated lunch break."
-- F train to Brooklyn
Mr. Popularity
Yuppie #1: I admire the fact that your friends are so intelligent. Most people I speak to are single cell organisms, undergoing mitosis as I speak.
Yuppie #2: Then why do you speak to them?
Yuppie #1: They're the only ones who call me
-- Bond Street Starbucks
Those are some tambourines you have
Woman upon seeing a Mariachi band walk by: Why do they have tambourines on their legs?
-- Manhattan
A Jewish Hipster? For Real?
Hipster Girl: Hipsterism was made for Jewish guys and Asian Girls.
-- Williamsburg
...And Wake Up in Strange Beds
Young Woman: I don't think you should do as I do. I mean, I drink a lot.
--Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
No More Enemas, Huh?
Gray-haired Man: I can get a hell of a lot more with my finger than I can with that.
--East of Eighth, 23rd St.
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Where the Pets and Strippers Go
PetCo Woman: Oops, sorry to bump into you. Watch out, I might be going into your pants!
PetCo Guy: I wasn't complaining. As long as you tip me.
--PetCo, Union Square
You Should See What I Stuck in the Drain
Girl: ...And you hadda stick your damn FINGER down the toilet!
--28th bet. 3rd and Lex
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
It's a Very Trenchcoat Hannukah
Old Lady: Those kids in Columbine used to bully kids themselves. I saw an interview with one. You think the parents didn't know something was going on, the way they used to dress up like Hitler?
Black Nurse: Really?
Old Lady: One of them was half-Jewish, too!
Black Nurse: That don't make sense.
Old Lady: They think they're hot stuff. They don't care.
--W Train
Lady In Red
Woman (wearing red pants & with red fingernails): I just made the greatest discovery: if I always dress in red, then I will always match and always look good! I'm now in the middle of getting rid of all my old clothing and buying only red clothing.
-- Subway
Kerry Who?
Woman (night of the New Hampshire primary): KERRY WON!!!!
Friend: What, American Idol?
-- Manhattan
Paging Dr. Spock
Crying Little Girl: My feet are cold!
The Baby's Daddy: You've got to let them warm up and thaw.
Crying Little Girl: They're really cold!
The Baby's Daddy: They'll be warm in a minute.
Crying Little Girl: My feet are cold!
The Baby's Daddy: Shut up! Shut up! Stop crying! Do you want me to kick your ass in front of everybody on the train? Your feet are gonna be cold but your ass is gonna be hot!
--W Train
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