Wednesday One-Liners– Just Like Mom Used to Make!

Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.

–M08 Bus

20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!

–207th St & Broadway

Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?

–LIRR

Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.

–Metro-North Rail

Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.

–42nd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Carolyn

Harry Potthead

Guy #1: I should get a wizard hat! Do they sell those?
Guy #2: Dude, that would be awesome!

–Thompson St

Overheard by: DantePulaski


Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for School

English teacher, seeing colleague with baseball bat over shoulder: It's time for corporal punishment!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

History teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. Too bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.

–Hunter College High School

History teacher: Zinn's lens is very very dark… Much like Nicole Richie's sunglasses.

–Millennium High School

English teacher: There's a very thin line between orgasms and spiritual revelation.

–Hunter College High School

Teacher: Any more questions? (pause) Let's talk about terrorists.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer