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August 2004 Archives
Those Crazy Pro-life Republicans
Woman: Yeah...and I told my mother, "Sorry, but you can't abort a 28-year-old fetus."
--1/9 Train
Overheard by: Stephanie
Betting on Blacker
A homeless man steals money from a yuppie/African immigrant, who promptly grabs the homeless guy and wrestles him to the floor.
Hobo: I ain't bothering you! I ain't bothering you!
Passenger #1: I'm betting on the black guy!
Passenger #2: They're both black!
Passenger #1: I'm betting on the blacker guy!
The immigrant throws the homeless man out of the car at the next stop.
Passenger #3: Man, he's tough! Back in his country, they don't have McDonald's to go to for dinner! They hunt rhinos over there!
--6 Train
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
What would Jesus do?
Asian yuppie: Now I don't have to be possessive anymore. Instead, I rely on Jesus.
--Grand Cafe, Williamsburg
Activism 101
Protestor: I really want to get arrested. What do you think I should do?
--After a protest outside Stuyvesant Church, East Village
Wow, That's So Vapid!
Bimbo: I'd put on a sweater and baggy pants, and everyone would be like, "Wow, that's so Margello!"
--Ave A & 3rd St.
It Ain't Racism Unless It's Gratuitous
Urban Man #1: Man, I can't stand these black folks movin' into our neighborhoods, man!
Urban Man #2: You're black.
Urban Man #1: Pygmies an' flapjacks!!
--Malcom X and MLK Blvds.
Someone's Got S-E-X on His Mind
Guy: You need a new mattress? Why not call 1-800-M-A-T-T-R-E-S?
Girl: Ha, ha! Nah.
Guy: Then there's gotta be some local places. You should be able to get a mattress for $100.
--40th & 7th
I Was Wondering the Same Thing
Guy #1: What's with the queerfest?
Guy #2: It's tomorrow night.
--Ave A & 3rd St.
Sand to the Beach
Playa on cell: I know there will. That's why I'm not bringin' my shortie. You don't bring sand to the beach, playa. Huh-huh.
--Stanton + Forsythe, LES
Overheard by: Cityrag.com (Hi, Buddy!)
"Shove it!"
Man: I can't eat ketchup. It makes my scalp sweat.
--West Village
Too Good to Be True?
Woman #1: You see that guy?
Woman #2: Who?
Woman #1: The bartender.
Woman #2: Yeah, what about him?
Woman #1: I fucked him.
Woman #2: Was he any good?
Woman #1: No, he sucked shit.
Woman #2: Are you still fucking him?
Woman #1: Hell, yeah!
Woman #2: Why the hell are you fucking him, then?
Woman #1: We're getting free drinks, aren't we? And besides I'm bored and not getting any other dick at the moment so I might as well. I'll ditch his dumb good-looking ass soon.
Woman #2: You mean when you find another good dick!
Woman #1: Whatever.
Woman #2: Cheers.
--Midtown Bar
Stupid Answers to Snappy Questions
Guy: Make your own ammonium nitrate! Ask me how!
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
And We Dress So Futuristic Now
An art gallery has an exhibit of old record covers.
Hipster girl: People dressed so retro back in those days.
--Soho
Straightlines without Punchlines
Young woman: You need to get a car so you can take my kitty cat to the vet.
--Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Zvi Mowshowitz
You Can't Make These Quotes Up
Guy on cell: I got fired on Thursday. I was 10 minutes late and they fired me, can you believe it?...Oh come on, it was my first day!
--1st Ave & 9th St.
What A Charming Young Gentleman
Urban Youth: Fuck you, you fat fucking fucks! Motherfucking cops. Suck a fucking dick! All society. They show no respect, then they get mad when we don't show any. Say we're mad animals. Try to shut the door on purpose when they see me coming. Suck mad cocks!
--D Train
How Cheap Can You Get?
Woman: Oh! That's one of the books I want you to get for me.
Man: I'm not sure if they have it at the library.
--Barnes & Noble, West Village
Overheard by: Caren Lissner
Sage Advice
Urban Youth #1: I'm not Eric. I fight dirty.
Urban Youth #2: Why the fuck you wanna fight fair for? You know you're gonna lose.
--D Train
Ix-nay on the Atman-bay
Guy #1: Secrets are meant to be kept in your head, not in a book.
Guy #2: Sometimes I forget those secrets and need a reference!
--Midtown Comics
That Explains Your Pallor...and Death
Chick: I have very, very, very, very little free time. In a week I might have 15 hours, and that includes sleep!
--1st Ave & 9th St.
Punch Lines Without Punchlines
Woman: It's like 'Here's two boxing gloves. Put them on. Beat yourself up.'
--6 Train
Quite an Anti-climax
Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me!
--La Lanterna
I'm Only Classy When Lit
Guy: During the blackout we were over there stealing beers from that convenience store.
--8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Stacy Katz
It's Still Better Than Maxim
Frat boy #1: I've been reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Dude, this book makes so much sense. I totally understand women now.
Frat boy #2: Yeah?
Frat boy #1: Yeah. This girl at work, she was all into me and shit and I totally cut her off, it was cold. She was so annoying. I really understand how to deal with women now. It explains all their games and translates what they're saying.
Frat boy #2: So I'm reading this book about Transylvanian necrophiliacs...
--1 Train
Overheard by: Suzanne
Super-size Me, Mr. Bond
Daughter: You're always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know..."da da da da da I'm loooovin' it."
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.
--Central Park
Money's Too Tight for Steak
Daughter: Mom, is beef steak?
Mother: No, steak is steak.
--Mexican restaurant, Floral Park
Paging Pat Benatar
Young urban male: He didn't hit you hard enough.
Young urban female: Yes, he did.
Young urban male: No, he hit you soft. *BAF*
Young urban female: The last time he hit me, he hit me mad hard.
--D Train
Alcohol-arious!
Woman #1: Have you ever been to this place?
Woman #2: Yeah, Irish bar. You know those motherfuckers can drink.
Woman #3: You can say that again.
Woman #1: I don't usually hang out in Irish bars. Too rowdy for me.
Woman #3: C'mon on, you'll like it. Besides, the bartender is cute.
Woman #2: This chick I know fucked him but he is lousy in the sack. The only reason she banged him was because he's good-looking and she gets free drinks.
Woman #1: Too bad the good-looking ones are always dumb and suck. If he's that good-looking I'd fuck him too. Drinks in this fucking city are expensive as hell. Why not? Let's see what your friend is talking about.
--44th & 8th
Paging Mr. Ding-Dong
Woman #1: Is the Mister Softee truck the same as the Ding-Dong Cart back home?
Woman #2: I'm not sure it was really called the Ding-Dong Cart or if we just called it the ding-dong cart because of the sound it made.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Tourists Tsouris
Chick: I get in the cab and in five seconds Billy's got his hands and nose pressed against the glass. And I'm like, stop that! That's not funny. They'll think we're fucking tourists. They'll take us like the longest fucking way from here. They think we're fucking tourists. You are not excited by the Brooklyn Bridge! Or the Statue of Liberty!
--Lafayette St.
Just tell him "PLUCK U"! It's the name of your fucking store!
Crazy customer: So you're the manager?
Manager: That's right.
Crazy customer: OK, then I needed to talk to you. Now, I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble. But this order is for my boss and she's a flat out bitch.
Manager: OK...
Crazy customer: The last time I was here, I ordered your boneless wings. And I got buffalo wings.
Manager: Wow, I'm sorry about that.
Crazy customer: Then I've got to go back to the office and hear about it. And your man there wasn't being helpful at all.
Manager: Well, try to put yourself in his shoes. Sometimes things get really busy and you can get swamped being the only guy at the register, and maybe you're not as polite as you should be.
Crazy customer: I worked at Wendy's, McDonald's AND Kentucky Fried Chicken at the Junction. I took a lot of crap from general managers.
Manager: Right.
Crazy customer: If someone wanted their sandwich upside down, that's how I gave it to them. I got buffalo wings and then I've got to eat it. I don't want them!
Manager: Well, here's your order. Thanks for saying something.
Crazy customer: So this is ten boneless wings?
Manager: Yes.
Crazy customer: Thanks. I didn't want to get anyone in trouble. It's just that I'm going to hear it from her if it's wrong, and she's a bitch. She just called me and she wanted me to get her to downtown Brooklyn in an hour. Excuse me? Do I have a rocketship?
Manager: Right, right.
Crazy customer: So these aren't buffalo wings, right?
Manager: Ten boneless wings with bleu cheese.
--Pluck U., East Village
Humans and Yuppies, That Is
Two tween girls walk into Starbucks. For some reason one emits a high pitched squeal.
Tween #2: Shut up! This is a place where humans go!
--Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Scott Nybakken
SERENITY NOW
Bimbo #1: So can she work and stuff?
Bimbo #2: I don't know. She's going to these meetings...
Bimbo #1: Oh, you mean like coping classes and stuff?
--6 train
We Do Have Some Synonyms in Stock...
Old Coot: String beans.
Employee: How about green beans?
Old Coot: No, string beans!
Employee: I don't see them!
Old Coot: You'll find it.
Employee: You have to get string beans, you can't get regular beans?
--Waldbaum's, Bensonhurst
There Are Other Reasons???
Indie Kid: I'm against gun control, but not because I wanna horde guns and kill niggers!
--Sin-e'
The Boogieman is Real, and Rides the L
A group of little kids are selling M&Ms on the train, perhaps to raise money for their school's basketballing team. Homeless black dude with silver teeth enters and proceeds to yell at them.
Hobo: I WANT WHAT'S IN YOUR BELLY! I WANT WHAT'S IN YOUR BELLY!
--L Train
Overheard by: Vickers Bastard Gringo
No One Invited Me
Woman: Something got stuck in my sinuses, then it went down my spine and had a party.
--BBQ, UWS
Ironically, "Only in New York"
Princess: First I got on the wrong train--going uptown instead of downtown---and there was like (*sigh*) not a single pretty person on the train. Only in New York. I can't imagine being anywhere else in the world, getting on the train and not seeing a single attractive person!
--Union Square Station
Overheard by: Phil Rosenbloom
Why Not Just Rent?
Bachelor: I'm going to find out where all the hookers are, and I'm going to buy that.
--2nd Ave & 5th St.
One Year Later
This past week the first anniversary of this site went quietly by. Wow, has it really been a year already? Yes, it has. We just said so. Please pay attention. We hope that the site has made you laugh, or caused you to look over your shoulder before speaking.
We wanted to take this moment to thank our readers, especially those who contribute, and our non-readers, especially those who provide our fodder. This site wouldn't be here without the help of friendly ears. If you heard anything, do take the time to send it in.
We also wanted to announce that due to the great influx of submissions, starting tomorrow we're going to be posting twice daily for as long as possible. Onward and upward, as we once overheard someone say.
--The Overheard In New York Staff, NYC
Booby Trap
Guy: Hottest piece of ass I've ever seen.
Girl: She is beautiful, huh?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: So you think they're real?
Guy: I dunno.
Girl: I think they're natural.
--Houston & Lafayette
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