Why Stephen Hawking Retired: Explained

Chulo #1: What sign are you?
Chula: Aries. You?
Chulo #2: Asshole. That's his sign: asshole.
Chulo #1: Naw, man. It's cancer.
Chulo #2: Why do so many people believe in that astrology shit?
Chulo #1: Because it's true!
Chula: It's so true. I've got all the personality traits. Like, I think I know everything. I get along real well with Leos, we're all bossy together. What sign are you?
Chulo #2: Scorpio.
(chula and chulo #1 laugh knowingly)
Chula
: Oh, yeah, you know what that means. You're a lover.

Chulo #2: Ha ha, yeah?
Chula: You see someone and like that, you're in love. And then, two weeks later, you don't want nothing to do with her.
Chulo #2: Um… No… I mean, not really…
Chulo #1: Yeah, man, it's all true. Written in the stars.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee, Honey!

Girl #1: Yeah, I guess I should have seen it coming. I mean, he bought himself like every season of the Gilmore Girls. Nothing straight about that.
Girl #2: My boyfriend likes the Gilmore Girls.
Girl #1. Oh, well, yeah… I mean, it is a pretty good show.
Girl #2
: He really has the hots for Lorelai.

Girl #1: Yeah, okay.

–Starbucks

Glad We Cleared That Up

Elderly woman on cell: Rhoda! Rhoda! It’s Esther! DID YOU CALL ME? NO? Oh, well someone called me! I can’t believe it! Why would someone call me on this thing?! All I want to do is be able to make a call, I don’t want to have to deal with these messages and things! [Makes another call] NORMAN?! NORMAN? You called me?! Why in the world would you ever call me?! NORMAN? [To the rest of the car] It was my husband. –Penn Station-bound LIRR, near Jamaica Station

Jesus Was a Wednesday One-Liner, Y'know

Construction worker to another: You're already a pain in my balls! Imagine if you were foreman!

–Carmine St

Overheard by: Laura

Construction worker to another: So I chased it around, but then I got tired, so I just squished it.

–72nd & 3rd Ave

Construction worker catcalling tall blonde Barnard student: Hey nice girl! Hey! Hey nice girl!

–116th & Brodway

Construction worker, singing loudly: Oh, come all ye faithf… (notices girl with cigarette) Oh, yeah baby, smoke it! Smoke it like a chimney!

–Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: fetishgirl