Wednesday One-Linernotes

Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)
I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa.

–2 Train

Older guy to younger date: So last night, right, I was a little drunker than I wanted to be and I was listening to those Beethoven and Mozart symphonies to, you know, really try to hear the difference between them…

–Uptown A Train

Woman walking out of a Chekhov play: Ugh! That was like taking a Tchaikovsky and playing it as if it were a Beeeeeethoven.

–Theatre District

Overheard by: Greer Feick

Happy older musician: I'm playing at the memorial concert for Ricky B*. Johnny T* was going to do it, but he died. I'm the go-to replacement when someone scheduled to play at a tribute concert dies.

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

Man on cell: Did you get the tickets? (pause) Eighty dollars to see a green bitch sing!?

–Chineese Restaurant, Columbus Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Wait for Casual Friday

Suit to table of coworkers: … And I still shit on the floor!

–Lombardi’s, Spring St

Overheard by: bdangadang

Suit on cell: No, I’m just saying that you are being very unresponsive… Unresponsive! Do you know what unresponsive means? … Hello?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: amanda

Suit answering cell: Hi. Yeah, I’m just being screwed in Penn Station…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: walty

Suit on cell: Wait, he really locked himself in the car? Shit, he’s seriously going to blow his brains out… I know, call Denise. We’re fucked.

–55th & 6th

Overheard by: CK

Suit on cell: So, apparently they think that I think I’m, like, Britney Spears or something…

–42nd & Park

It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.

–Blarney Stone Pub

Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.

–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica Segal

Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?

–33rd b/w 7th & 8th

Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.

–Train Leaving Penn Station

Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.

–Stuyvesant High School

I Stayed Home to Blog and Eat Pudding

Hipster cashier: Yeah I live in Brooklyn… Bushwick. It was a crazy weekend for Brooklyn!
Girl: Oh, okay… why?
Hipster cashier: Yeah, there were 43 shootings last weekend.
Girl: What! Why?
Hipster cashier: I dunno… Some West Indians had too much jerk chicken and went crazy on Labor Day or whatever.

–Whole Foods, Bowery