High Colonic Wednesday One-Liners

Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Jared

Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: tin steve

Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…

–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square

Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.

–2 train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Brett

Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.

–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx

Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.

–Hoboken PATH Station

Overheard by: Seph

Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Translation: “God, I Need a Woman.”

Man: Yeah, my mother raised me right. I make sure I eat breakfast every day.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: I have sardines and grits every day.
Woman: Sardines?
Man: Hell, yes. Sometimes I give some of the gravy to the cats, and they go crazy for it. I mean, it don't matter if they just ate or nothing, they just love the gravy.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: Gravy. I usually give them a little of whatever I cook. You know, and then they either eat it or they don't. They like turn their heads away if they don't like it. But they sure like gravy. Gravy.

–B26 Bus, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster