Wednesday One-Liners Make Friends with the Purple Monkey in the Corner

Stoned chick: I’ve got to do all the drugs I can today. I’m going into rehab next week. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Matt M Old man: Yeah, my daughter moved out a few months ago. She loves her university and smokes a lot of pot. –Bleecker St English professor: Is that what you say when you’re in your room popping ecstasy with the door closed? –City College Southern woman on cell: Have fun with the kids. Oh? He died? Joe’s son died? Why’d he die so young? Vicodin overdose? Oh, I will be careful. Well, that’s what happens when you take too much Vicodin. You die. — CVS, 54th & Lex Overheard by: Your Mom Teenage girl: Yeah, she sucks now that she’s a crack addict –Columbia University Overheard by: An offended crack addict Literary critic: It was Sherlock Holmes who got me on coke. –Cherry Tree bar, 4th Ave, Park Slope

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.

–N Train

Overheard by: annearchist

Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?

–Hunter College

Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?

–JCPenny

Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Samantha

Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole

Wednesday One-Liners for Jesus

Docent: So they brought in this group from Wisconsin, and Barb called me to meet them out front, and she said "Now I want you to know that they're kind of rough and young", but I thought she'd said "rough nuns", so I said, "Rough nuns? In this day and age?"

–Carnegie Hall

Overheard by: Katarina

Art student: They were handing out free bibles, and the pages make great rolling paper!

–Astor place

Gay guy: I mean, I don't even believe in gay marriage. It's too steeped in religious tradition. We should make up something better and we can call it, like, super… Rainbow… Awesome hookup… Or something. Lesbians get a marriage pass, though. They're like already married in their heads when they meet, buying diapers and shit.

–R Train

Overheard by: jules

Big Latino thug: That's why I can't be religious! I see all these asses and… (gestures helplessly)

–35th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Courtwick


When You Realize Your Pain Is Self-Inflicted

Teen girl: Something must have gone wrong during her wax.
Teen boy: What was it?
Teen girl: I don’t know. She was, like, crying. And she hasn’t gotten another wax. I just don’t get it.
Teen boy: Sucks for her.
Teen girl: Seriously.

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: still speechless