“And what did you learn in school today, Billy?”

Teacher #1: …and I smoked weed, so my friends staged an intervention. They said, “We reeeally want you to stop smoking.” And I was like, “All right, but you all have to try it once to see what it’s like.” Well, twice, not just once, ’cause you don’t get high the first time.
Teacher #2: You get high the first time!
Teacher #1: Not everybody does.
Teacher #2: So you made your friends smoke weed?
Teacher #1: I didn’t make them smoke. It was a choice. –4 Train Overheard by: Kaitlen

A NY Story with a Midwest Conclusion

Hobo: Sorry to interrupt, but I’m starving. Please help me to get some candy and a soda.
Chick: How about a perfectly good pear? You know, if you’re so hungry. The hobo walks away angry and disgusted; 20 feet later he turns around to give her a dirty look. Chick: Obviously you’re not that hungry–and it’s called pop! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: James Lin

Methinks the Lady Doth Protest Too Much

Puerto Rican Teenager #1 in Williamsburg: “Hey, calling someone else gay means that you’re gay!” Puerto Rican Teenager #2: “Are you calling me gay? ARE YOU CALLING ME GAY? I’m not gay! Bring any woman out here right now, and I will fuck her in front of you all, in front of the world. Anyone. Do it, right now! I will show the whole world that I am not gay! Do you hear me? Do you hear me? I AM NOT GAY!”

Barbershop Fun

Haircutter: So she wanted me to put wax in her hair. And I told her I didn’t have any, that it’s $19 a bottle and if I get some for everyone I’ll go through it in no time. So she says that I should buy it for my customers. If she likes it so much, she should go buy it herself. I mean, it’s one thing if the cunt were a good tipper. –Astor Place [Translated from the Russian]