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September 2004 Archives
...And Some Jews, If I'm Not Mistaken
Tourist: People are so nice here. I just love this city. Do you like living here?
New Yorker: It's the best place in the world.
Tourist: Oh, it's great. And so diverse!
New Yorker: Yes, it is.
Tourist: So many black people!
New Yorker: Um...yes.
Tourist: Black people and Asians!
New Yorker: Mm-hmm.
--F Train
Kick Up Your Calendar; It's Wednesday
Superbubbly Woman: I'll see you tomorrow! Which is Friday! And we'll kick it up another notch!
Cashier: OK!
--Bodega, 9th Ave & 36th Street
Where Is She Working???
Hoochie: I've been working for her for seven years. And I've been wanting to smack her up for seven years. And tonight, she gave me the opportunity.
Cashier: What if she called the police?
Hoochie: She couldn't call no cops. It was self-defense. She'd go to jail.
--Bodega, Bensonhurst
Scariest Overheard Ever
Train Staffer #1: Did you do that terrorism training yet?
Train Staffer #2: No. I'm trying to avoid it.
Train Staffer #1: Yeah. I already missed the first one.
--PATH Train
It Depends On What Your Definition of "Ugly" Is
Woman #1: I'm ready for ugly, if it keeps me warm in bed.
Woman #2: I don't know about that.
--UES
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Those Wacky Metrosexuals
Girl #1: We were late 'cause he was looking at himself. Just looking at himself. I go in, and he's checking himself in the mirror, making faces, and I get all mad at him, and he's like, 'What?!'
Girl #2: He must be really into himself. Men don't do that.
Girl #1: He is good-looking, though.
--6 Train
Then Why Am I Laughing So Hard?
Homeless Advocate: A penny for the homeless! A penny is all we ask. Everyone is ignoring me over a penny. Don't laugh at me. It's not funny.
--Times Square
Thought Activism
Yuppie: Democracy only works when you work to make the laws you want happen. Have you ever worked to get a law passed?
Hipster: Yes, I have, as a matter of fact!
Yuppie: Okay. What issue was it, and what did you do?
Hipster: Give me some time to think about it, I'm sure that I once did something but I don't remember it this second.
-- Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Paging Boris Badinoff
Russian girl #1: Stop calling me that!
Russian girl #2: What's wrong?
Russian girl #1: She keeps on calling me Natasha!
Russian girl #2: What's wrong with that?
Russian girl #1: Because that's not my name!
--B82 Bus
Those Wacky Non-Christians
Woman: I've never seen so many cars out there.
Cashier: The Jewish people are praying.
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah, I think tomorrow is the start of Ramadan.
--Wendy's, Bensonhurst
It Would Be Thoughtful If He Did
Lady Lawyer: He says, 'She doesn't appreciate me.' Come on, you're in prison. What's she going to appreciate, that you made her a personalized license plate?
--Starbucks, Wall St.
The Ironing is Delicious
Man: A woman was killed today by a falling cross.
Woman: Oh my God!
--Madison & 42nd
Head of the Class
Russian girl #1: You're not in my Russian class.
Russian girl #2: Oh, I'm sorry. You have advanced Russian.
Russian girl #1: Everything I have is advanced.
Russian girl #2: Shut up.
--B82 Bus
Paging Sigmund Freud
Guy: Hey, Liz! Whatever happens, don't turn out like my mom.
--Quantum Leap, Thompson St.
Stupid-size Me
Man: ...and three plain cheeseburgers.
Cashier: Plain? Does that mean you want those with cheese, or not?
--McDonald's, St. Mark's Place
Half-woman Picks Up Half the Bill
Guy #1: It's a lunch date.
Guy #2: It's lunch, but it's not a date. Man, she's a midget!
--Union Square
Hopefully He'll Read This and Feel Guilty
Woman: My dad controls all the money in the house, to the point where if my mom wants to go shopping she has to talk to him. She'd said, 'You really need to go to the grocery. Your daughter only had a protein shake to eat today.' He said, 'Well, she needs to lose weight anyway.' It's crazy. That's the kind of shit we had to deal with growing up.
--29th & Park
This One Time at Ranch Camp
New Yorker: Are you a farmer?
Tourist: Noooo. I went to Ranch Camp, but I'm not a farmer.
--F Train
So Shut the Fuck Up Already
Girl: Later at night, my tongue gets sore because I've been playing with it so much.
--St. Mark's Place
Highest Maintenance
Anal Man: I want a grilled chicken wrap. But I don't want cheese and I want a little bit of dressing on the bread as you're making it. Some places don't put dressing.
Cashier: We don't put dressing here.
Anal Man: Just a bit of dressing. Not too much.
Cashier: Do you want the combo?
Anal Man: No!
--Ranch 1, Union Square
That's "the Stupidest Thing"?!
Chick: The waiter said I couldn't sit on his lap. Then he said not only couldn't I sit on his lap, that the people next to us complained that I was sitting on his lap! That's the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life, that you can't sit on someone's lap in a restaurant. And to blame the people next to us, who were lovely?
--Our Place, 3rd Avenue
A Statement of Policy
We wanted to point out that we've now enabled comments on our entries. While it's rude to speak in public about something someone else said, here we encourage it.
--The OverheardInNewYork.com Staff, NYC
Kids Say the Stupidest Things
Two boys were playing on a fire escape.
Boy #1: Okay. Now I'll be the policeman, and you be the fireworks on Coney Island.
--Windsor Terrace
I Liked It When Size Didn't Matter
Chick #1: He was a skateboarder.
Chick #2: Yeah. Let me just say that he was locked and loaded. He had a nice package.
--Our Place, 3rd Avenue
I Learned By Watching You
Gay man #1: You should stop doing coke and just do ecstasy, because the coke makes you a shady bitch.
Gay man #2: Are you on coke right now?
--East Village
Overheard by: Tibbie X
No, We Really Don't
Chick: You know how you wanted to call him up and say it's not personal, you just want to be friends? Don't. They need to be told. They don't know that they're idiots.
--Our Place, 3rd Avenue
Those Wacky Mexicans
Old Coot: When you take over someone's empire, you get more of them coming in. I turned on the ball game, and the stadium was all Spanish! This guy came to talk to me from the Daily News, and it turned out to be El Diario!
--Carmine St.
Those Wacky Republicans
Chick: He's like an ultraconservative and he was watching Bush's speech and yelling and saying "You guys don't know what's going on!". It was crazy.
--Washington Square Park
You Mean Besides Jerking Off?
Chick: I think a lot about solitary confinement. Like, what would I do all day?
--The Gate, Park Slope
Kylie is Spinning in Her Grave
Gay #1: Have you ever seen Road Trip?
Gay #2: What?
Gay #1: Road Trip. Have you see it?
Gay #2: Yes.
Gay #1: I wanna dance like that.
--LaGuardia
They Grow Up So Fast
Asian Kid: The fucking Triads are on your tail, bitch. Run!
Hispanic Kid: Fuck that! The Latin Kings will pump lead into your asses.
Black Kid: Nah, the Bloods and Crips will beat you down.
Jewish Kid: Yo...Um...I'll get my yarmulke peoples to smack you all, son. What now nigga spic chink bitch ho? Suck my matzoh balls, bitch!
--Canal Street
Overheard by: Jonathan Harris
...And Now, All the Bag Jews Follow Me
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I'm the bag Nazi and I'll come back and yell at you!
--Plane, LaGuardia
Some things just can't be taught in one sentence
Yuppie: ...and I spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday teaching them the Golden Rule.
--Into cell phone, Lexington & 53rd
By Any Other Name
A drunk guy picks up an abandoned bouquet of roses.
Lush: 74. 1980. 84. Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan. George Bush. Bill Clinton. These roses should go to a sweetheart. I have no sweetheart. Not now. But they'll get to a sweetheart. They've been neglected. Put them in some water, they'll come back to life. New York is something else, right?
--D Train
Paging Star Jones
Teen girl: Do you wanna get cookies?
Teen guy: Nah. Look, it says "serves four". Those must be some bigass motherfucking cookies.
--KFC, 14th St.
No Metrosexuals in Brooklyn
Screaming Black woman: Don't you raise a knife to me! Don't threaten me! That is not professional service! Don't you know how to serve customers? Never raise a knife to a customer! You're just lucky that there isn't a black man in here.
--To the man behind the counter in Dunkin Donuts, downtown Brooklyn
Four Less Years
A young woman wearing fairy wings, a tiara, and carrying noisemakers, is on her cell phone.
Twit: No, I'm not going to get arrested, I have to work later.
--RNC Protest Route
Little Chinese People
Urban woman: Those little Chinese people never even say "Excuse me"! They're so fucking goddamn rude!
--D Train
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