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November 2004 Archives
You Can't Spell Aneurysm Without EU
Businesswoman: Even though they smoked like chimneys and drank like fish, whatever, the south of France and Italy used to be much healthier than us.
--Midtown office
Which Means...Massive, Massive Shoes
Chick #1: I just stepped on the nicest man.
Chick #2: You stepped on him?
Chick #1: Yeah, he was really nice about it. He must have massive, massive feet.
--LES
Just One Block From Park Ave...
A bike messenger almost plows through the crowd at a crosswalk.
Messenger: You gotta look! You gotta look!
Black Woman: Nigger, you look! You ain't drivin' no car!
--44th & Madison
There Must Be a Correlation
Queer #1: So what's your name?
Queer #2: Yanni.
Queer #1: No fucking way! That's my name!
--Rawhide, Chelsea
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
It's Master Shake Who Needs a Whuppin'
Man: If I punch Spongebob in the face, it would be because he is living at a higher moral standard than me, as a role model to children.
--Toys 'R Us, Times Square
"The black eye is from the BF, I think."
NYU Girl #1: Oh my god! I was so drunk this weekend, and now my legs are covered in bruises. They look terrible, you have no idea. I don't even know how I got them.
NYU Girl #2: Ha, ha! I love when that happens. I love drunk bruises.
--NYU Elevator
Overheard by: Stephanie
The Mythical Land...of Brighton Beach
Businessman: She said there's an area in Brooklyn where all they speak is Russian. You can go blocks without hearing English. They refuse to speak it.
--Midtown office
And You Call Yourself A Guy...
Guy #1: Do you think you could ever date her?
Guy #2: I don't know.
Guy #1: Why not?
Guy #2: I can't picture myself having sex with her.
--Tower Records, 66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh Caldwell
A Universal Scene
Into an intercom, a drunk girl yells: I know you don't want to see me, but I'm downstairs!
--Avenue A & 3rd Street
Overheard by: Sebastian Forsythe
What's Cooler Than Star Trek? (Besides Everything)
HS Girl: That's all she talks about. She watches Star Trek, she talks about Star Trek, she gets Star Trek tattoos all over her body.
HS Guy: At least my tattoo is cool.
--4 Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Just in Time for the Holidays...
Hippie: What color is your aura?
FIT girl: I think my aura has black and white stripes.
Hippie: Vertical or horizontal?
FIT girl: Horizontal...no, vertical.
Hippie: Is that because vertical stripes make your aura look fat?
FIT girl: Yeah.
--26th & 8th
Overheard by: Armchair Messiah
Readers: Answer This Overheard Question
Suit: Rock and roll? Rock and roll? What is that?!
--43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Kaitlen
I'm Thankful for My Alcoholism
Businesschick: Are you still with that girl?
Businessguy: No. She kept trying to get me to go to AA. One night out with me and you'll see..!
Businesschick: Oh, I've seen the aftermath. The stitches, the blood.
--Midtown Office
I'm Thankful for My Alcoholic Boyfriend
Girl: He comes home from work and immediately drinks about four or five Coronas. I mean, I know he's Swedish and they look at alcohol differently in Europe, but come on! Four or five all at once? I'm like, hey, isn't that a little much?
--7th Avenue & West 29th Street
Welcome to NY; Hurry the Hell Up
Woman: So I asked for a slice with mushrooms, and the girl's like 'Well, can you wait?', and I'm like 'This is New York! No, I can't wait!'
--Association of Graphic Communications, 7th Avenue
Something Bloody Something
Businessman: There was a flatbed truck on 5th Ave. There were all these musicians in it with their guitars, and everyone was chanting Bone-o!.
Woman: That's U2.
Businessman: Oh, OK. I wanted to say, "Which one's Bone-o?"
Woman: Which one's Bozo, you should have said.
Businessman: The little guy; is he Spanish?
Woman: No.
Businessman: He said, "Buenos dias." I wanted to know if that was him.
--Burger Heaven, 49th St.
Just Say Non!
Businesschick: You have to learn to say no to those aggressive French men!
Businessman: Do I really?
Businesschick: No, I'm just kidding.
--Midtown Office
It's Italian for Moron
Patron: What kind of sauce is on the linguine alla marinara?
--Olive Garden, Chelsea
Overheard by: Brad Palmertree
You Can't Tell, But We're Cyber-blushing
Guy #1: Dude, I was at work today, just shootin' the shit, killin' some extra time, and I came across the fucking coolest website.
Guy #2: Oh yeah?
Guy #1: Yeah, it's called OverheardinNewYork.com. It's just all these little snippets of overheard conversations, they're fuckin' hilarious!
--Irvine Spectrum, Irvine, California
NYC: Home of Free Political Commentary
Homeless preacher: Any man can be President, but only one man can be in the White House: the White Man.
--53rd & 5th Ave
Hobo: My pope, he's a terrible pope.
--52nd & Broadway
Urine: The Other Universal Language
Tourist chick: Of course he doesn't speak English...at least until you piss on his floor.
--Chinatown
The Etymology of the Absurd
Fax Guy: I never made that bet with you. We didn't shake on it.
Fax Girl: You can't do that. We had a bet. You believe this shit? He's trying to renig on the bet.
Tech Guy: Um, isn't the term renege? Like, short for renegotiate.
Tech Girl: Not with this nigger it's not.
--Downtown Office
Love Me, Love My Haberdasher
Old Woman: You're not making fun of my hat, are you? Better not be. Lots of flowers on this hat, it's a fine hat. I love this hat. Your problem is, you got no love in you. Not for hats, not for nothing.
--McDonalds, St. Mark's Place
I Eat in the 3rd Person
Billy: Can anyone help Billy out so Billy can get dinner? Anyone? No? Thanks a lot!
--Taco Bell, Union Square
Now All NYC Knows
Teen guy: Pardon me, miss...did you know I have tremendous nipples?
--Donnell Library, W. 53rd Street
The Almost Naked Cowboy
A guido is wearing a black jumpsuit and hat when a middle aged woman approaches him.
Woman: Hey...cowboy hat, eh?
Guido: (tips hat) You got that right.
Woman: And is that...velour too, huh?
Guido: You bet. Only the finest.
Woman: Don't even tell me. You wearing a g-string under that?
Guido: Actually, how did you know?
--MSG
Overheard by: Jay G
You Complete Me, Microsoft Word
Businessman: I'm sure glad I found that document. I was about to cry.
--Midtown Office
The Ramblings of the Elderly
An old woman is drumming up contributions for the SPCA.
Young Man: Good luck!
Old Woman: We don't need luck, we need cooperation. Does Bush say good luck to the soldiers? No, he just sends in more troops! Come on! Don't be a phony.
--Kinko's, 20th St. and 6th Ave.
Overheard by: Lucian Piane
I Need Some Flipflops for the Next Blizzard
Shopper: Will you have spring shoes out next week?
Saleslady: What?
Shopper: Spring shoes! Next week?
Saleslady: Spring?
Shopper: Yeah, downstairs they told me you always have the next season's shoes out one season ahead.
Saleslady: Spring?
Shopper: Yes! Spring! Next week!
--Macy's
Overheard by: Roxy Chanel McPink
My Nuts are Chickpeas
Guy: I'm crazy about her! Every time I go down on her, her pussy tastes like hummus!
--East Village
Overheard by: Nicole Weber
"...but mostly, I'm grateful for emphysema."
Guy #1: Hard to believe it's Thanksgiving already.
Guy #2: Next week.
Guy #1: How much do cigarettes cost in Florida?
--Ranch 1, Times Square
Crossfire for the Dim-witted
Black Girl: Yeah, it's like some Irish guy waving a British flag around.
Spanish Girl: Why you gotta be saying that? How do you know half my family ain't Irish?
Black Guy: You want politics, you want diversity? L.E.S., baby, L.E.S., is where it's at!
--Karma, 1st Ave.
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Wednesday One-liners
Woman: I really hope that you start doing some shit that's smart.
--Broadway & Waverly
Businessman: The CEO's a good ol' Italian goombah from Bayonne.
--Midtown Office
They'll Be Sure to Win the Special Olympics Pageant
Indian Girl: Oh my God! Our kids are going to be mad cute!
Asian Guy: Hell yeah! No doubt about it, with my looks and your height.
Indian Girl: Oh, and plus my body.
--Union Square
She's Demilingual, You Know
Idiot: You speak European as well?
Chick: I speak... uh... I don't know what I speak.
--East Village
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
Hold the Mayo
Woman: Having sex with him was the same as eating a slice of plain Wonder bread while looking in the window of a Crate and Barrel.
--York & 70th
The Nipples Tasted Like Raisins
Blonde: I had to spend 10,000 fucking dollars to get my boobs fixed. They were, like, all puckered and withered.
--43rd and Madison
Readers: Answer This Overheard Question
Activist: Hey, fur bimbo! How'd you get the blood off your hands?
--St. Mark's Place
I Used It to Sign My Soul Away
Woman: Does anyone have something I could write with?
Mother: I do! One second.
Woman: Great, thanks.
Mother: Be careful, it's my most favoritest pen.
--LaGuardia
Overheard by: Jess Kimball
It's All That Buttered Popcorn...
Guy: Damn, this escalator's small...fat bitches can't get on this.
--Movie Theater, Times Square
Overheard by: Alayna
The Chorus to a Terrible Song
Woman #1: Are you going to be here for Christmas?
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For Thanksgiving?
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For--
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For--
Woman #2: Yah.
--Duane Reade, Greenwich Village
One Can Only Imagine How
Guy: We've got to tell Allison, because she had Paulreubens.com until he made her stop.
--8th Ave. & 6th St.
Tragically, the LP Died
Customer: Do you have a recording of Astrud Gilberto singing, "The Girl from Emphysema?"
--Times Square
Be Paranoid; OverheardInNewYork is Listening...
Woman: So it's top secret. I think I'm going to quit in January.
--500 Madison Avenue
Where Can I Possibly Find a Coffee?
Woman: Can I have a coffee?
Ice Cream Lady: You want coffee ice cream?
Woman: No, coffee.
Ice Cream Lady: Oh, we don't sell coffee.
--Coldstone Ice Cream, Astor Place
Overheard by: Alayna
Another Dot-com Victim
Into an unplugged phone, a hobo yells: Honey, honey, I told you not to call me in the office!
--LES
No Comment Necessary
Latina: It's supposed to say jewelry, but it says jewry, cuz it's ghetto.
--Clinton
Overheard by: Meredith
Hey, It Works With All Three Definitions!
Artist: Where are you from?
Tourist: Israel.
Artist: Shalom.
--SoHo
Story of My Life
Woman: He's such a great guy. If he were taller, I'd marry him. I admire him so much, and he's gorgeous.
--Astoria
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
How to Break Up, NYC Style
Guy: Man, what you have to say is, 'This is me. This is you. And this is the door!'
--Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Mark P
Most Polarizing Overheard Ever
Fratboy #1: Can she bring some of her friends?
Fratboy #2: You don't want to meet her friends.
Fratboy #1: Why?
Fratboy #2: I don't know, they're...
Fratboy #1: They're fat, right?
Fratboy #2: Yeah.
--1 Train
Overheard by: Josh Caldwell
Hey, You're A Winner Here!
HS Boy #1: Today's Wednesday. Why are you leaving early?
HS Boy #2: We have playoffs.
HS Boy #1: Playoffs are Thursday.
HS Boy #2: No, they changed them to Wednesday.
HS Boy #1: Oh. Have fun losing.
HS Boy #2: Yeah, it sucks.
--4 train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Not Even Bong Barbie?
Hipster chick: Ugh, dolls. Dolls are so creepy. I'm never letting my kid have a doll. Drugs, yes. Dolls, no.
--UES
The Dry Wit Gets Wet
American Businessman: What are you doing in Mexico?
British Businessman: Drinking. Continuously.
--Office, Midtown
How We All Feel
The train coming from New Jersey arrives in New York. An Elderly Italian man turns to his friends and says: Aah, back to civilization!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Kaitlen
More Bookstore Fun
Woman: Excuse me, where are the literary journals?
B&N Guy: Them's over there.
--Barnes & Noble, Union Square
The Republic of Nutty Texas
Texan Guy #1: Wow, I haven't owned an overcoat in years!
Texan Guy #2: In Texas if you wear one they'll shoot you! It means you're a bank robber.
--Madison Ave & 43rd
Race + Power = Racism, Kevin Claims
Hobo: Excuse me peoples, but can I get a dime or quarter?
College Student: Sorry, I can't help you sir.
Hobo: Thanks a lot, whitey!
--161st Street, The Bronx
Overheard by: Peter Whalen
Check and check!
Guy : Yeah, Portland's great...if you're into heroin!
--East Village
Short v. Short of Hearing
Guy #1: Damn, she was short!
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Damn, she was short!
Guy #2: Who?
Guy #1: That lady!
Guy #2: Oh, yeah! She was short!
--E Train
Here's a Hint: Look for the Steps
Woman: Hey, we should go to Alaska sometime.
Man: Alaska? We can't even find our way downstairs!
--Eskimo Diorama, American Museum of Natural History
Stewie Has His Moments
Chick: Who's he talking about?
Guy: Family Guy.
Chick: Oh, I hate that guy.
--Bensonhurst
Kids These Days, I Tell Ya...
Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!
--6 Train
I Wonder Who He Voted For?
A driver almost runs over a kid.
Driver: Look at the light! Look at the light!
Kid: Look at the street!
Driver: Go back to Russia, you fuck!
--Bensonhurst
Sadly, This Isn't Fiction Either
Woman: Do you have a non-fiction section?
Book guy: Well, everything that's not fiction is non-fiction. [Over] there's cooking, and there's history.
Woman: No, that's not what I asked. Do you have a section for non-fiction?
Book guy: Well, there are no non-fiction novels. Everything here that's not a novel is non-fiction.
Woman: But you don't have a non-fiction section?
Book guy: No. Everything that isn't fiction is non-fiction.
--Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
...If Not, Can I?
Guy: Has anyone ever accidentally dated you and your sister at the same time?
--Diner, 22nd and 9th
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Oh, Are They Getting Married?
Drunk Skank #1: ...cause that's what we're celebrating.
Drunk Skank #2: What're we celebrating?
Drunk Skank #1: The Bush/Cheney thing.
Drunk Skank #2: Oh yeah!
--49th and Broadway
Overheard by: Anne C.
New York is not America
Guy on cell: Yeah, our lives suck but at least John Kerry was elected President. Oh, wait! I have to hang up now and go kill myself.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Alice Ayers
I Don't Know English, I'm American
Spinster #1: How do they pronounce it in French 'Oh Bow Pain'?
Spinster #2: Well, it is French and you pronounce 'Au Bon Pain'.
Spinster #1: I don't know French; I'm Spanish.
--Au Bon Pain, Union Square
Overheard by: Tamika J.
Because She Peed on the Rug?
Guy: I massaged this girl today. She might as well have been a shar-pei.
--Restivo's, 22nd and 7th
Overheard by: Steven Coombs
More of a Novella than a Memoir
Chick: Yeah, the story of my life: he was good looking, I had sex with him twice.
--Manhattan Triple Decker Diner, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Heather Galore
Unlike All Other Cultures, Which Are a Product of Our Country
Bimbo: So are you ever going to move back to Europe?
Eurotrash: I was thinking about that a couple of times when I was really, really depressed in LA. American culture is such a product of the country.
--Soho
They Speak Portuguese in Spain, You Know
Yuppie #1: I only went to Brazil for a month, but on my third day there I met her.
Yuppie #2: Women in South America are so hot. Especially Brazil and Spain.
--Belgian Beer Bar, Greenwich Village
The Band Assumed As Much
Chubby Chick: Dude, I missed your set because I was hungry!
--Opaline, Ave. A
Then Why Am I Laughing?
Club Promoter: Do you guys like comedy shows?
Chicks: No!
Club Promoter: That wasn't funny.
--34th & 7th
Technically That Means That We Suck
Art Dealer: Have you been following the election? Are you going to vote?
Man: They both suck.
--Washington Square
Overheard by: Ray Hannigan
When Stereotypes Come to Life
Hasidic Jew: How much is this detergent?
Cashier: $2.99.
Hasidic Jew: Never mind. I'll put it back.
--Rite-Aid, Bensonhurst
The Definition of Pollution
Drunk Girl: Ha ha, I'm talking so loud. I'm making such ear pollution.
Drunk Guy: Nooo, it's called noise pollution...
Drunk Girl: But like, what is noise pollution?
Drunk Guy: I dunno...I think it's like when you're vulgar, so I try not to curse all the time. That way, when I say like "oh fuck" everyone will be all like "Whoaaaaaa."
--NYU Dorm Elevator
Overheard by: Stephanie
Irony, huh?
Moron: See how the taxis always drive on the right side of the street? That's so they can pick people up easier. I was just thinking about that. That's smart of them, huh?
Human: But taxis always drive on the right side of the street.
Moron: Exactly.
Human: No, I mean they have to. Always.
Moron: I know. Smart, huh?
--57th & Park Ave
Overheard by: Heather
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