Bible Thwacker: Have you considered turning back to Jesus?
Woman: Have you considered licking my clitoris?
–Times Square
A psychic was handing out flyers, and was rebuffed by one woman with: Hey, if you were psychic, you’d know I don’t believe in that shit.
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Archive for February, 2005
How to Win Any Debate, NYC Style
Two strangers, a nerdy out-of-town businessman & a native NYC businesswoman, step onto the 6 train mid-argument. Profanities are flying out of the NYer’s mouth rapidly and with great force. The nerdy out-of-town businessman throws his harshest punch back: Why don’t you go wash your mouth out with soap?!
NYC businesswoman: Oh…why don’t you go fuck yourself?
–6 train
Overheard by: amy
“172 pounds? Come on, you’re full of it!”
Gym Guy #1: Just weighed myself.
Gym Guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Gym Guy #1: 172 pounds after a shit.
–Wall Street NYSC
Overheard by: Bailey Wier
The Gates Changed New York Forever
Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates.
A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough.
–The Ramble
Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus
Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map.
–The Gates
Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?
–The Gates
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Darko Vraither
Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February.
–MoMA roof
Overheard by: Michael Bracy
Readers: Answer This Fancy Overheard Question
Man in fur coat and matching hat: Excuse me, where can I find the sanitation napkins? –Rite Aid, Morningside Heights Overheard by: Katie
Meet the Fucktard
Guy: I saw that movie Hide and Seek. It sucked.
Girl: I don’t know that one. Who’s in it?
Guy: Ummm…that guy from Meet the Fockers.
Girl: …Ben Stiller?
Guy: Who?
Girl: Are you talking about Ben Stiller?
Guy: No, no, the old guy.
Girl: Robert DeNiro?!
Guy: Yeah, him.
Girl: You call Robert DeNiro “that guy from Meet the Fockers“?!
–1 train
Overheard by: Brian J. Heck
The Squiggles Seminar is Deceptively Difficult
Hoop earrings girl: So I found out yesterday the name of my class is Advanced Calculus. I knew it was advanced but I didn’t know it was calculus. I wish I’d known when I registered. It’s nice and interesting. There are a lot of squiggles that look really nice. But I’m going to transfer to the regular class, because it’s not a requirement for my degree, and why get a C or D, when I can get an A? –F train
Don’t Hate the Wildlife, Hate the Game
Man on cell: I didn’t know it was your baby crying! I thought you were watching some animal show. I wouldn’t have made the comment about the hyena if I knew it was your baby!…Well, yeah, I probably would have…hey, whatever happened to you and ugly-ass Omar? –Penn Station Overheard by: Krista Gundersen
We’re Almost Done With The Gates
Boy: This…cost $23 million.
Dad: There’s 23 miles of them!
Boy: Still, that’s a million dollars a mile!
Boy: Wait…so is the fabric pure saffron?
Mom: No no no, saffron is a spice.
Boy: Oh. The only time I’d heard that before was on Pokemon, they had Saffron City.
Mom: It looks like they’re about to start marching!
Dad: They will, by Monday.
Boy: Wha?
–The Gates
“…if you’re a tanbot, that’s another story.”
Bronzing Blonde: So this guy was like “I can’t tan in that bed, I’ll burn,” so I said, “Um, your last name is Garcia, you shouldn’t burn that easily.”
Bronzing Brunette: Seriously? I mean just because your last name is Garcia doesn’t mean it’s okay to be stupid.
–Tanning salon, 7th Avenue between 38th & 39th