Archive for April, 2005

Wednesday One-liners, Ladies

Tall woman on cell: …there’s something I haven’t told you too: I’ve been sleeping with hundreds of women all this time! –4th Ave. & 10th St. Guy: Dude, who needs a date when you’ve got a vagina? –8th & University Overheard by: Chitin Chick on cell: He said I’m high maintenance. I am not high maintenance…I’m crazy, but I’m not high maintenance. –Uncle Ming’s, Avenue B Overheard by: djlindee

Classy Wednesday One-liners

Dowager: I’ll take a Swiss cock, please. That looks good. –Bakery, 58th & 7th Man on cell: That stuff was too expensive. Why don’t I just buy one of those cheap necklaces on the street and you can put in a blue boz and say it was from Tiffany’s. –57th & 5th Overheard by: Angie Preppy: Hey Dave, put another beer in this cooze! –Blind Tiger Ale House, Hudson Street

Spare Some Change, Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: I’m homeless! I’m battling child abuse! The Jews and the Irish are spreading lies about me! –14th Street between 5th & Union Square Overheard by: a Jewish-Irish girl Hobo: Nice chickie, hot, another one, good, love them, there’s a good one. No, wait: that’s a guy. –29th & Madison Bald hobo: If I was tall they’d braid my hair! But no, I’m short, so they won’t braid my hair! –Grand Central Overheard by: Jeremy Hobo: I’m technologically impaired. Spare a cell phone? An iPod? –St. Mark’s & 1st Ave Overheard by: Rose Yndigoyen

Not-So-Educated Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Hi, I just realized today that my wallet was stolen a month ago. –Chase Manhattan, Broadway & 73rd Overheard by: Susan Volchok Guy: I’ll have a Mahatma grande. –Starbucks, Broadway & 98th Lady: If it was a real fortune-teller or whatever, they’re not supposed to charge you, right? –78th & 2nd Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Educated Wednesday One-liners

Man: I’m, like, the MacGyver of orthoscopic surgery. –David Copperfield’s, York Avenue Girl: I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t gone back to school. I’d probably be dead or in jail or pregnant and living in Brooklyn or something. –F train Overheard by: Heather Goth guy on cell: You can’t divide by infinity! Infinity is a concept, not a number! How many times do I have to tell you that? –Penn Station Overheard by: Lesley Brooke Fat lady: I was Rubenesque before I was fat. –Metropolitan Museum of Art Overheard by: Dawn

Wednesday One-liners are for the Dogs

Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain! –Shade, Sullivan Street Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone. –34th & 8th Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy! –CPW & 65th Street Overheard by: Johnathan

Attention DEA: Wednesday One-liners

Queer on cell: Michael Alig…yeah, I don’t remember those years so well. –1st & A Hood on cell: Yo man, that bitch stole two ounces of coke from my house!…She’s your friend, you go get it back! –outside The Martini Red Lounge, Staten Island Overheard by: Becka Dash Guy on pay phone: …and Santa’s reindeer won’t be coming home! –Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: Traczie Bellinger