Archive for April, 2005

Wednesday One-liners, Ladies

Tall woman on cell: …there’s something I haven’t told you too: I’ve been sleeping with hundreds of women all this time! –4th Ave. & 10th St. Guy: Dude, who needs a date when you’ve got a vagina? –8th & University Overheard by: Chitin Chick on cell: He said I’m high maintenance. I am not high maintenance…I’m crazy, but I’m not high maintenance. –Uncle Ming’s, Avenue B Overheard by: djlindee

Classy Wednesday One-liners

Dowager: I’ll take a Swiss cock, please. That looks good. –Bakery, 58th & 7th Man on cell: That stuff was too expensive. Why don’t I just buy one of those cheap necklaces on the street and you can put in a blue boz and say it was from Tiffany’s. –57th & 5th Overheard by: Angie Preppy: Hey Dave, put another beer in this cooze! –Blind Tiger Ale House, Hudson Street

Ebony & Wednesday One-liners

Black woman: I kept telling him, “You don’t see a black woman from the ghetto every day.” He has to understand. –51st Street station Parking attendant: All the white people I know are crooks. –Parking lot, 46th between 8th and 9th Overheard by: eristic Jewish Professor: …for example, we have the white people that vote, and we have the nig…bla…African-Americans that vote… –NYU classroom

Spare Some Change, Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: I’m homeless! I’m battling child abuse! The Jews and the Irish are spreading lies about me! –14th Street between 5th & Union Square Overheard by: a Jewish-Irish girl Hobo: Nice chickie, hot, another one, good, love them, there’s a good one. No, wait: that’s a guy. –29th & Madison Bald hobo: If I was tall they’d braid my hair! But no, I’m short, so they won’t braid my hair! –Grand Central Overheard by: Jeremy Hobo: I’m technologically impaired. Spare a cell phone? An iPod? –St. Mark’s & 1st Ave Overheard by: Rose Yndigoyen

Not-So-Educated Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Hi, I just realized today that my wallet was stolen a month ago. –Chase Manhattan, Broadway & 73rd Overheard by: Susan Volchok Guy: I’ll have a Mahatma grande. –Starbucks, Broadway & 98th Lady: If it was a real fortune-teller or whatever, they’re not supposed to charge you, right? –78th & 2nd Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Educated Wednesday One-liners

Man: I’m, like, the MacGyver of orthoscopic surgery. –David Copperfield’s, York Avenue Girl: I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t gone back to school. I’d probably be dead or in jail or pregnant and living in Brooklyn or something. –F train Overheard by: Heather Goth guy on cell: You can’t divide by infinity! Infinity is a concept, not a number! How many times do I have to tell you that? –Penn Station Overheard by: Lesley Brooke Fat lady: I was Rubenesque before I was fat. –Metropolitan Museum of Art Overheard by: Dawn