Pizza guy: No pizza for you?
FIT chick #1: No, I don’t eat. I’m anorexic.
FIT chick #2: Yeah, look what she’s wearing. That’s what happens when you don’t eat. You go fucking crazy.
–27th & 7th pizzeria
Archive for May, 2005
Bonding with the Homeless (NYC Short Stories)
A hobo tells a woman: If you’re ever in trouble, come to this place, yell out my name, and I’ll protect you with my guns. He holds up both his vodka bottles. –World Trade Center E station Overheard by: Ting A hobo takes his shoes off. The woman sitting next to him gets up with a disgusted look on her face and moves to another seat. The hobo massages his bare feet and shouts to her: Yeah, well your sister is the opposite of um, uh, hot! –E train Overheard by: Jeni Aron
We Never Snorted Candy at Stuyvesant
Bronx Science boy: I have pixie sticks.
Bronx Science girl: I love pixie sticks. Have you ever tried to snort them?
Bronx Science boy: Yeah, once I snorted a lot because I wanted to get high and my nose started gushing blood.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: chella
That’s Only If It’s Inflamed
Guy: This song Ring of Fire is about Johnny Cash falling in love with June Carter.
Girl: Really? I thought it was about a rimjob.
–Pink Pony, Ludlow Street
Overheard by: Michael Roche
I Sense a Coming Wacky Packages Sticker
Girl: Your breath is stinky.
Guy: Please. My breath is so fresh they should name a mint after it.
Girl: How about excre-mint?
–56th & 1st
The Fine Line Between Liar and Lunatic
Man: Oh, so she’s genuinely deluded?
Woman: Yeah, she’s not just in denial.
–Bleecker Street station
Overheard by: Brooklyn Blade
No, “Cute” as in “Do You Want Him to Do You”
Queer #1: So is your physical therapist cute?
Queer #2: “Cute” as in “do I want to do him cute”? Yeah.
Queer #1: Well, that can be a great incentive to do well.
–NYSC locker room, 16th & 8th
Guess That Means No Kegel Exercises
Girl #1: I just got a membership at Carnegie Hall.
Girl #2: You should get a membership to the gym.
Girl #1: But this is like a workout…for my soul.
–Lexington & 53rd
No Place is More Fun Than a Glit’ & ‘shit Bar
Unkempt facial hair guy: What kinds of clubs are you going to these days?
Bald guy with glasses: Oh, you know, ones where they wear body glitter and talk bullshit.
–3rd Avenue & 9th Street
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
Grandma, What Big Pupils You Have!
Younger queer: Man, I never noticed how big Liza’s eyes were before.
Older queer: That’s so she can see the little pills better.
–Splash, 17th Street
Overheard by: Eric Muscatell