Overheard In New York

Archive for May, 2005

Technically It’s Her Second-Favorite Thing

Chick #1: I wonder why we never used lube. Lube…it’s great.
Chick #2: Um, yeah, it’s only like my favorite thing in the whole wide world. –Canal & Lafayette

Seems Like Mom’s Eggs Weren’t Quite Grade “A”

Girl: Can I have an egg omelette?
Chef: Um…yes, do you want anything in that?
Girl: Doesn’t it come with stuff in it?
Chef: Yes, what do you want in your omelette?
Girl: Eggs.
Chef: That it?
Girl: Actually, what kind of omelettes besides egg do you have? –Penn Station

Except That The Jungle Is Natural

Gay Black guy #1: Oh my god, I sooo have jungle fever. Do I look good with him?
Gay Black guy #2: It’s so weird.
Gay Black guy #1: What, we don’t look good together?
Gay Black guy #2: No, yeah, it’s just that, he’s really white and you’re like, extra black, so it’s like really jungle fever. –D train

It Distracts From the Sweet, Sweet Bouquet of Feet

Macy’s clerk: Dude, don’t do that…Dude, I bent down and you fuckin’ farted. Don’t do that.
Customer: …I didn’t.
Macy’s clerk: Bro, you fuckin’ farted in my face when I bent down, I don’t want to smell that in here! –Macy’s men’s shoes department Overheard by: Chris Noland

New York’s Finest Dermatologist

Cop #1: What the fuck is that on your face?
Cop #2: It’s a big pimple.
Cop #1: It’s fucking gross, dude. –33rd & 6th Overheard by: Eric L.

The Irony is That Said Shirt was Brown

Stoner #1: So this fucking idiot was like, “Communism is the way, comrade.” And I was like, “Okay then, give me your shirt.” And he was like, “What, man?” And I was like, “If everything’s fifty-fifty, let’s just switch shirts for the day.”
Stoner #2: What’d he say then?
Stoner #1: He was like, “You got me, comrade. I need to think this one over.” And I was like, “Fuck yeah, you communist fuck.” Yeah, I told that guy all right. –Bus to Port Authority Overheard by: Cary Gitter

…Where Our Editor is Moving To As We Speak

White guy #1: I just came back from a doctor visit, I’m loaded with prescriptions, Zanax, Viagra, I got everything, man.
White guy #2: Yeah, you got painkillers?
White guy #1: Hell yeah, I’m a Vet, any time I get sore, I take
one. I’m good, shit, I don’t even have to pay for these things.
White guy #2: Can I get some Vicodin?
White guy #1: Nah, see that I don’t got, you got to go down to this bar in Bay Ridge. Where are you from?
White guy #2: Sunset Park. –86th & 4th, Brooklyn Overheard by: Nosey Girl

Snappy Questions to Stupid Questions

Girl #1: You are way more charitable than I am.
Girl #2: Are you saying that only Catholics are charitable?
Girl #1: What? –1 Train Overheard by: Karla In a crowded bathroom, a drunk guy at the short urinal calls over to his friend about six urinals down. Guy #1: Hey, man! Why is mine so small? Is yours this small?
Guy #2: What? –Penn Station men’s room Girl #1: Is it hot in here or are my eyes just burning?
Girl #2: What? –M66 bus Overheard by: Gabriella

The “Hello, My Name Is” Sticker Was the First Hint

Girlfriend snaps a photo of her tourist boyfriend, posing under a street sign. Guy: Looking good, Perry.
Tourist: How did he know my…? Oh. –Perry & Greenwich Overheard by: Bonno