Archive for May, 2005

The One Thing He’s Not Dealing is Speed

Woman #1: See that guy in the wheelchair? I think he’s starting to get involved with dealing drugs or something.
Woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t hang around him too much anyway if I were
you. Clearly he couldn’t run away fast enough the first time… –Fort Greene

That’s So 4 Years Ago

Guy: I have to be careful about my bag; yesterday I put it down and then stepped to the side and some woman started yelling at me, saying, “You know, it’s 2005 now, I have no problem taking that bag and throwing it off the train.” And I was like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and she said, “I’m not, I’m protecting myself and the rest of the passengers.”
Woman: The terror alert has been elevated to Birkin. –Times Square shuttle

My Wife Was Murdered…Tomorrow at 10PM

Guy #1: You’ll figure it out when you move here…it’s like, I opened my first electic bill and said, “Wow, I really live in New York now!”
Guy #2: Right, it’s like when you’re killing someone with an axe, and you’re just hacking, and hacking, and hacking, and some blood splashes on your face and you’re like, “Oh yeah, I’m murdering someone!” –E train Overheard by: Kid W Woman: Well, you know what I think? I think that the girlfriend has to die. –Hudson Street elevator Overheard by: Greg Rutter Guy on cell: Yeah, the dude got shot in the face. Isn’t that awesome? –Madison Square Park Overheard by: toon

Ironically, He Made It Into a Soapbox

Juilliard guy: Why does everyone at Juilliard have to be so deep? I mean, we’re in class and the professor puts a box in the middle of the room and everyone starts in, “Oh, that represents my soul!” or “Oh, that is the heavens opening up to take me in!” No man, that’s just a damn box! All that represents to me is a damn box. Everyone needs to get over themselves at this damn school… –Juilliard elevator