Archive for June, 2005

Wednesday One-liners Need Relationship Counseling

Black guy: I ain’t saying I love her, but I got feelings for the bitch. –82nd & 2nd Overheard by: Rick Segall Fratboy: Fuck the afterlife. I want my 72 virgins now. –111th & Broadway Overheard by: Djlindee Shoplady on phone: Oh, so did she tell you about her sex? Well, she told me…I mean, she’s ugly but it’s good to know even ugly people can have good imaginary sex. –Barbara Feinman Millinery, St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: Sarah C Jamaican lady: We don’t fuck for enjoyment, we fuck for love. –Washington Heights Guy on cell: You had sex with my sister!…Well was she any good?…Where the hell did she learn that nifty trick? –Times Square Guy: Oh, you should come by the soup kitchen I run. There are no homeless people. Only real estate people. I used to go…I would go on Wednesday (snaps fingers) and I’d have a date for Saturday. –Union Squre theatre Suit: Marriage is so fucking out in banking right now. I was engaged for a while, just because I wanted to plant my seed, you know. But that didn’t work out. –Wall Street Overheard by: Black Red Yellow NYC

Wednesday One-liners Love Their Sports

Guy: I was never any good at sports…I’ve watched the Superbowl a few times. –Flatiron office Lady on phone: Yeah, they have seat fillers at the Oscars and other award shows, you didn’t know that? It’s so when they pan over the audience it doesn’t look like a Mets game. –40th Street office Overheard by: Clay Caviness Guy: I’m not going to be the only guy at the hockey party holding an apple turnover. –Broadway & Prince Overheard by: Christopher Miner

Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Talking Without a Lawyer

Guy: Just because I got a felony doesn’t mean I’m going to jail. –outside Kew Gardens Criminal Courthouse Overheard by: Scott Bee Man walking down the street with a wooden square around his neck says: I’m an innocent man! I’ve been framed, I’m tellin’ ya! –Carmine & Bleecker Black guy: Yo, do y’all got $6? Whoa, whoa, listen, I’m Black but I’m no criminal! –Penn Station Overheard by: Erica Gridelli

Wednesday One-liners Have Questions About NY

Tourist guy: We’re staying down on Two Avenue. Now do they say Two Avenue or Second Avenue here? –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Chess Tourist woman: We’re in Manhattan, right? –Times Square Tourist girl: Can’t we like, just call a cab? You know, like, “Hi, we need a cab, pick us up here?” –42nd between Broadway & 6th Overheard by: Heather Hunter Tourist guy: Do they just breed dogs smaller here, or what? –Broadway & Astor Overheard by: jillypickle

Those Jews and Their Wednesday One-liners

Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York? –61st & 5th Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen Tourist girl: What’s a knish? I don’t know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one? –Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery, Houston Street White girl: There’s really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys…Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they’re pretty much the same. –184th & Bennett Girl: I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on! –French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street Overheard by: Dottie McFarland

Wednesday One-liners Are Ready to Order

Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don’t speak English so they didn’t understand what you wanted. –ESPNZone, Times Square Overheard by: Rachel W Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn’t swollen at all. They was tellin’ me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin’ rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone. –M train A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere. –Indochine, Lafayette Street Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, “What’s the problem?”. –47th & 9th Overheard by: JH Woman: Can you please make sure it’s a boy lobster? I’m only into boys, and don’t want to eat a girl. –Austin ale house, Kew Gardens Overheard by: tom Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don’t pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Alita

Wednesday One-liners in: The Dangers of Cell Phones

Woman on cell: Hi honey…yes, I’m fine…I can hear you…stop saying hello to me. I goddammn hate it when you say hello. –42nd & Madison Hobo: Hey, miss! Yeah, you! Talkin’ on your cell! Don’t walk away from me! I see you listenin’ to me! Hell, I can hear you listenin’ to me! –43rd & 8th Woman on cell: Guess where I am….guess where I am!…Hello? Hello? Shit! –La Baguette, University Place Overheard by: Matty K