Archive for June, 2005

Those Jews and Their Wednesday One-liners

Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York? –61st & 5th Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen Tourist girl: What’s a knish? I don’t know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one? –Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery, Houston Street White girl: There’s really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys…Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they’re pretty much the same. –184th & Bennett Girl: I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on! –French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street Overheard by: Dottie McFarland

Wednesday One-liners Are Ready to Order

Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don’t speak English so they didn’t understand what you wanted. –ESPNZone, Times Square Overheard by: Rachel W Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn’t swollen at all. They was tellin’ me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin’ rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone. –M train A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere. –Indochine, Lafayette Street Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, “What’s the problem?”. –47th & 9th Overheard by: JH Woman: Can you please make sure it’s a boy lobster? I’m only into boys, and don’t want to eat a girl. –Austin ale house, Kew Gardens Overheard by: tom Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don’t pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Alita

Wednesday One-liners are Open for Business

Girl on cell: Do you think any galleries will be open on Sunday? –21st & Broadway Woman: He didn’t come here to be Korean; he moved here to be a hipster. Then he realized he could open a store, and he turned Korean. –2nd Avenue & 6th Street Private School girl: So is, like, everything in this place by Chanel? –Metropolitan Museum of Art Man: What do you mean, you ran out of keys? How does a hotel run out of keys? –The Hotel on Rivington Overheard by: Joe Quint Queer: Well I figured I make $7 an hour at Journey’s working full time. So if I cut back to part time and get a second job making $7 an hour, I’ll be making $14 an hour and I can pay all my bills! –Nederlander Theater, West 41st Street Overheard by: Nomi Malone

I Guess Water is for Pussies

Woman: I stopped smoking six months ago, and now I’m lubricating so much better. I’m always wet at the right time. –Lexington & 55th Deli Guy: Is it raining?
Girl: No.
Guy: Then why the fuck am I getting wet?
Girl: Because it’s drizzling. –Coney Island Overheard by: Gradie Smith Guy #1: She says she usually needs to make out for like a half hour before she starts to get wet.
Guy #2: You should just use your spit. –2nd Avenue station Overheard by: J.