Archive for June, 2005

Wednesday One-liners Have Their Priorities Straight

Three JHS boys pass a woman in a tight t-shirt and mini-skirt talking on her cell. One stares slack-jawed, then says to his buddies: Wow! That was the new Motorola. –79th Street between Columbus & Amsterdam Guy: As soon as I get my unemployment check, I’m going to buy a new TV. –Penn Station Woman on cell: I lost my sunglasses and I have cancer. –34th & Madison Overheard by: Lisa Boy, 8: Look Mom! I think Daddy likes the Hummer more than you. –Astoria Overheard by: Adam Kraemer Guy on pay phone: I haven’t decided if I prefer the smell of fresh urine or stale urine. I’ll let you know. –Hotel Edison, West 47th Street Guy: I told you what my goal is: to be lazy. 20 years from now, I want to be lazy. –St. Mark’s Place between 2nd & 3rd

Wednesday One-liners are Open for Business

Girl on cell: Do you think any galleries will be open on Sunday? –21st & Broadway Woman: He didn’t come here to be Korean; he moved here to be a hipster. Then he realized he could open a store, and he turned Korean. –2nd Avenue & 6th Street Private School girl: So is, like, everything in this place by Chanel? –Metropolitan Museum of Art Man: What do you mean, you ran out of keys? How does a hotel run out of keys? –The Hotel on Rivington Overheard by: Joe Quint Queer: Well I figured I make $7 an hour at Journey’s working full time. So if I cut back to part time and get a second job making $7 an hour, I’ll be making $14 an hour and I can pay all my bills! –Nederlander Theater, West 41st Street Overheard by: Nomi Malone

New York City Subway Stories

Conductor #1: This is 34th Street. Transfer is available to the B, Q, D…B…Q…Penn Station…D–
Conductor #2: Move over. D, Q, N, R. Stand clear. –F train Overheard by: Cole Couture Hipster: Did the train just pass 28th street?
Woman: Yes, it went express, but you could get off at 14th and switch to the uptown train.
Homeboy: Or you could take your chances, break the window with a crowbar and jump out now. –1 train Overheard by: Hayley Man: This won’t do. All bad smelling people get the hell off the train. At the next stop most of the car clears out. Man: That’s what I’m talking about. –A train A Black kid and his Hispanic girlfriend are arguing on the train. The kid is holding her in the seat and she is trying to rip off his shirt. The entire car is watching, as if it were a car wreck. Hispanic girl: You’re always showing off!
Black kid: What?
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black passenger guy: Man, why’s it always gotta be our people pulling this shit? You never see White people pulling this shit. You never see Chinese people pulling this shit. Man! –C train Two women were sitting next to each other, one clearly from New York, the other not. The tourist woman gestured with her chin at the conductor’s booth and asked: Is that the bathroom? –A train

I Guess Water is for Pussies

Woman: I stopped smoking six months ago, and now I’m lubricating so much better. I’m always wet at the right time. –Lexington & 55th Deli Guy: Is it raining?
Girl: No.
Guy: Then why the fuck am I getting wet?
Girl: Because it’s drizzling. –Coney Island Overheard by: Gradie Smith Guy #1: She says she usually needs to make out for like a half hour before she starts to get wet.
Guy #2: You should just use your spit. –2nd Avenue station Overheard by: J.