Overheard In New York

Archive for July, 2005

You’re Giving Yourself Too Much Credit

Girl #1: Oh my god there’s too many people in this elevator! There’s only supposed to be 10 people!
Girl #2: It’s OK, I’m skinny. In my own reality I’m actually only half a person. –Hotel Gansevoort, 9th Avenue Overheard by: Priscilla Perez

Yet It’s OK for Him to Kill His Son…

Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please? –PATH train Overheard by: JMK

Don’t You Realize They Can’t Hear You?

Announcement: …and please remember to take your personal belongings with you…
Guy: Did you hear that? Personal belongings! Don’t they know how redundant that is? –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

The Paramedics Were Too Late to Plug Her In, Plug Her In

Girl #1: …so apparently she died from lysol poisoning–
Girl #2: Wow.
Girl #1: –yeah, she suffocated from one of those boxes that sprays air freshener. No oxygen could get in the room. –53rd & 6th Overheard by: J-Mo

How About Being Permanently Labelled as Such?

B&T Girl #1: He is so “not Westchester.”
B&T Girl #2: I know!
B&T Girl #3: I don’t get it. I’ve been here a year and I don’t get that. And what is or who is “the bridge and tunnel crowd”? Is it a good thing that those guys called us “bridge and tunnel crowd” when we walked in?
B&T Girl #1: Eww.
B&T Girl #2: Gross.
B&T Girl #1: Ew, oh there is so no way anyone called me bridge and tunnel.
B&T Girl #3: So that’s bad?
B&T Girl #2: What could be worse? –Metro-North

“I did think that huge mint tasted funny.”

Chick: Well, I didn’t know it was the men’s room.
Dude: What? The urinal didn’t tip you off? –Ear Inn, Spring Street Overheard by: Jim Meskauskas

I’m Thinking Her Next Gig Will Be The Apprentice

MTV chick: The show is called Who Wants to be America’s Sweetheart. But it’s very hush-hush. –42nd & Broadway Overheard by: Daniel Radosh

There’s a Keebler Elf Graveyard Up in There

A fat girl’s belly is pooling over the top of her jeans. Guy: Hey, check out her muffin tops.
Girl: Dude, those aren’t muffin tops; they’re a whole cake explosion. –N train Overheard by: Tina

I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Daniel Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills. –31st & 2nd Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee. –outside The Brooklyn Museum Overheard by: Josh Neufeld Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped. –Vertigo, 26th & 3rd Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella. –Delancey & Allen Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti