Archive for July, 2005

Take a Deep Breath, Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: If you beat somebody up real bad and they press charges, how much time can you get for that?…No, if they press charges against you. –Macy’s Overheard by: Katie C Boy, 5: Lady, I’m gonna cut off your head and feed it to my family. –14th & 2nd Overheard by: djlindee

Not Quite a Match with Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Oh, excuse me!…Want to make out? –Centre & Chambers Overheard by: Chris Older man: …so they served these smaller things, like appetizers, in between the three main courses. You know how many they gave us? Four! There were four intercourses… –West 53 Street office Girl on cell: He shoots dope and smokes crack! I can’t think of a worse person for you to sleep with!…well, yeah, I guess… –81st & Madison Girl: I’d blow him every day if he’d let me drive his beamer more. –Sheep’s Meadow Tween girl: Shit, if I were 21, and he was like, “Yo, do you want some
beer?”, I’d be like, “Shit, only if you got a hotel room.” ’cause then
we could, like, go in it. –Starbucks, 34th & 7th Overheard by: marissa Daily News guy: …and I said, “Just take me now, bitch!” –Bar 288, Elizabeth Street DMV guy: Who’s here for oral? Did anyone in this line sign up for oral? –DMV, Atlantic Avenue Center Overheard by: RMC

The Rainbow Flag Hangs Over Wednesday One-liners

Queer: That’s why you never bring a drunk pussy to a gay club. –17th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: Robert Girl on cell: But wait, was she gay or was she lesbian? –8th & Broadway Queer on cell: Pussy? You mean Pussy?…No?… No, I know Hibiscus…Is that the one with the boyfriend at the bar?…Pussy!…Well, are you the good witch or the wicked witch? Oh, I guess that won’t work for you, you’ve never seen Wizard of Oz. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: mh Girl: Oh my God, I hear heterosexual voices! –18th & 8th Older guy: I’m still trying to figure out who designed this bathroom. I mean, whoever designed this place wanted something up their ass. –Pavilion movie theater, Park Slope Overheard by: Daniel Radosh Girl: Yeah, but I mean, this gay thing’s gonna be in him forever… –East Drive, Central Park Woman on cell: Well, if he wears a dress shirt with really nice jeans, that makes it a little less gay for them. –4th Avenue & 12th Street Overheard by: Tommy Raiko RuPaul II: Mmm, I would suck spare rib outta his dick…sauce and all. –Christopher Street Guy: Yeah, I don’t like lip rings that much. They get dirty too easily, y’know, from food and sucking cock… –MacDougal Tattoo, Sullivan Street Overheard by: gwen limbach Chelsea boy on cell: Hey, honey, I saw you leave with that hot bartender last night. I’m coming over with a couple of videos and that vinaigrette I borrowed, and you’re telling me everything. –21st & 7th Woman: Of course. I’m in and out of the closet all the time. –Dojo, St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: Ellen Girl on cell: So he told me that sucking cock didn’t make him gay…and I said, “How’s that if you never go down on me?”…fucking faggot! –F train

Wednesday One-liners, Where Are You?

Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit. –St. Mark’s Church Overheard by: Alex Romanovich Woman: Where are all the restaurants? –Times Square station Overheard by: Kate Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you? –Gristede’s, 63rd & West End Overheard by: Susan Volchok Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn? –Central Park Overheard by: Captain Obvious Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan? –40th & Broadway Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square? –42nd & Broadway Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey. –85th & 2nd Overheard by: JDH

OMG! It’s Wednesday One-liners!

Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Overheard by: Bryant Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me. –E. 33rd Street office Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me! –42nd between 10th & 11th Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn. –CVS, Harlem Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to. –4 train Overheard by: Matt F.