Archive for July, 2005

Patsy Cline Sings Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: July 31st! July 31st is the deadline, everyone! You must write your letters of apology to Bush or he’ll drop another bomb in the ocean and you can say “Good-bye” to Sri Lanka! –17th & 8th Overheard by: Edwin Lam Crazy guy: Son of a bitch! Why is it so hard to find true love? Don’t look at me like that. You want quiet? Go to the library. You think I want your money? I don’t need your money! Look at all these dollar bills on my pants! If I want money, I just peel one off. –6 train Crazy guy: Fuck you and your stupid leg. You fucking cunt! Cunt! Cunt! –L train Overheard by: Jonathan Farbowitz Drunk old Black guy: …people, we got these rhythms… rhythms that just don’t connect. I got rhythms, and you girls have got rhythms, but can we dance together? No, no…we can’t. That’s what happened when the Black man came to America, babies. Black and white, we just can’t dance, babies. But you girls should dance with me. –13th & 6th Crazy shirtless guy: Order in the court! Order in the court! Y’all is not guilty. Now get the hell outta here! –Port Authority Hobo: Does anybody on this bus have change for 36 nickels? –M60 bus Overheard by: Oz Skinner

Wednesday One-liners, Where Are You?

Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit. –St. Mark’s Church Overheard by: Alex Romanovich Woman: Where are all the restaurants? –Times Square station Overheard by: Kate Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you? –Gristede’s, 63rd & West End Overheard by: Susan Volchok Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn? –Central Park Overheard by: Captain Obvious Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan? –40th & Broadway Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square? –42nd & Broadway Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey. –85th & 2nd Overheard by: JDH

OMG! It’s Wednesday One-liners!

Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Overheard by: Bryant Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me. –E. 33rd Street office Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me! –42nd between 10th & 11th Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn. –CVS, Harlem Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to. –4 train Overheard by: Matt F.

Wednesday One-liners Are All Over the Map

Fat chick: Every single website, every newspaper, if it’s under
$200,000, it’s in China. –Starbucks, Astor Place Drunk guy: So, where would you want to get your gall bladder taken out: France or New York? –1st Avenue & 3rd Street Overheard by: Lisa H. Girl: Oh, look. It says, “I Heart Someone in Austin”!…Oh…with autism. Never mind. –W. 249th & Independence, The Bronx Overheard by: Bianca Townshend College girl: The real reason I went to San Francisco is that I wanted to go to Japan, but that was as far as I could afford. –14th Street 1/2/3 station Overheard by: Kevin Sheldon Girl:…so do you actually eat Lucky Charms in Ireland? –Wall & Broad Overheard by: David McG Guy: Is that a cruise ship? Oh no, wait. It’s New Jersey. –Sunset Park rooftop Overheard by: c dub

Smells Like Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Don’t walk me behind me, I’m about to fart. –Times Square station Girl: God, it smells like an armpit farted in here. –Rififi, E. 11th Street Overheard by: Miso Guy on cell: Baby, baby, please, listen, I just, I’m almost there, c’mon, I’m comin’ up on your building now, baby, don’t be like that! Look out the window and you’ll see me! Shit, you can smell me, baby. –12th & D Fratboy: My shorts smell like a little boy’s balls. –Coney Island beach Overheard by: Alissa Woman: Just so you know, it smells like someone urinated in there. –Banana Republic, 16th & 5th Overheard by: beth wren

Wednesday One-liners, Jr.

Mom: Maybe if you listen to me more you’ll get to see Mr. Snap Crackles…Mommy’s going to call him now. –Central Park Overheard by: Jake Glazier Chick on cell :…and then the other day, I had a little baby! Yeah! –116th & Broadway NY Post guy: It’s been confirmed! He’s dead! Harry Potter is dead! Killed in a magic train bus explosion. Read it here! –Penn Station Guy: …and you can’t get birthmarks shaped like WB characters. –Teany, Rivington St.

But I’d Care If My Burger Were Run Over

Old Italian lady #1: Your cat’s gonna get hit!
Asian Lady: Wha?
Old Italian lady #1: Your cat: it’s in the street! Someone’s gonna run over it!
Asian lady: Huh?
Old Italian lady #1: Your ca–
Old Italian lady #2: She doesn’t care about the cat. Those Orientals, they eat cats. –Carroll Gardens bodega