Archive for July, 2005

Take a Deep Breath, Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: If you beat somebody up real bad and they press charges, how much time can you get for that?…No, if they press charges against you. –Macy’s Overheard by: Katie C Boy, 5: Lady, I’m gonna cut off your head and feed it to my family. –14th & 2nd Overheard by: djlindee

Not Quite a Match with Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Oh, excuse me!…Want to make out? –Centre & Chambers Overheard by: Chris Older man: …so they served these smaller things, like appetizers, in between the three main courses. You know how many they gave us? Four! There were four intercourses… –West 53 Street office Girl on cell: He shoots dope and smokes crack! I can’t think of a worse person for you to sleep with!…well, yeah, I guess… –81st & Madison Girl: I’d blow him every day if he’d let me drive his beamer more. –Sheep’s Meadow Tween girl: Shit, if I were 21, and he was like, “Yo, do you want some
beer?”, I’d be like, “Shit, only if you got a hotel room.” ’cause then
we could, like, go in it. –Starbucks, 34th & 7th Overheard by: marissa Daily News guy: …and I said, “Just take me now, bitch!” –Bar 288, Elizabeth Street DMV guy: Who’s here for oral? Did anyone in this line sign up for oral? –DMV, Atlantic Avenue Center Overheard by: RMC

We’re Considering Branding Wednesday One-liners

Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever. –MTV Studios, Times Square Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman! –22nd & Park Overheard by: Bill Ray Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime! –32nd & 2nd Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake? –7 train Overheard by: Todd Horan Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card. –Central Park Overheard by: Shoshana Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays. –58th & Lexington Overheard by: Brandy Rowell

The Rainbow Flag Hangs Over Wednesday One-liners

Queer: That’s why you never bring a drunk pussy to a gay club. –17th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: Robert Girl on cell: But wait, was she gay or was she lesbian? –8th & Broadway Queer on cell: Pussy? You mean Pussy?…No?… No, I know Hibiscus…Is that the one with the boyfriend at the bar?…Pussy!…Well, are you the good witch or the wicked witch? Oh, I guess that won’t work for you, you’ve never seen Wizard of Oz. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: mh Girl: Oh my God, I hear heterosexual voices! –18th & 8th Older guy: I’m still trying to figure out who designed this bathroom. I mean, whoever designed this place wanted something up their ass. –Pavilion movie theater, Park Slope Overheard by: Daniel Radosh Girl: Yeah, but I mean, this gay thing’s gonna be in him forever… –East Drive, Central Park Woman on cell: Well, if he wears a dress shirt with really nice jeans, that makes it a little less gay for them. –4th Avenue & 12th Street Overheard by: Tommy Raiko RuPaul II: Mmm, I would suck spare rib outta his dick…sauce and all. –Christopher Street Guy: Yeah, I don’t like lip rings that much. They get dirty too easily, y’know, from food and sucking cock… –MacDougal Tattoo, Sullivan Street Overheard by: gwen limbach Chelsea boy on cell: Hey, honey, I saw you leave with that hot bartender last night. I’m coming over with a couple of videos and that vinaigrette I borrowed, and you’re telling me everything. –21st & 7th Woman: Of course. I’m in and out of the closet all the time. –Dojo, St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: Ellen Girl on cell: So he told me that sucking cock didn’t make him gay…and I said, “How’s that if you never go down on me?”…fucking faggot! –F train

Patsy Cline Sings Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: July 31st! July 31st is the deadline, everyone! You must write your letters of apology to Bush or he’ll drop another bomb in the ocean and you can say “Good-bye” to Sri Lanka! –17th & 8th Overheard by: Edwin Lam Crazy guy: Son of a bitch! Why is it so hard to find true love? Don’t look at me like that. You want quiet? Go to the library. You think I want your money? I don’t need your money! Look at all these dollar bills on my pants! If I want money, I just peel one off. –6 train Crazy guy: Fuck you and your stupid leg. You fucking cunt! Cunt! Cunt! –L train Overheard by: Jonathan Farbowitz Drunk old Black guy: …people, we got these rhythms… rhythms that just don’t connect. I got rhythms, and you girls have got rhythms, but can we dance together? No, no…we can’t. That’s what happened when the Black man came to America, babies. Black and white, we just can’t dance, babies. But you girls should dance with me. –13th & 6th Crazy shirtless guy: Order in the court! Order in the court! Y’all is not guilty. Now get the hell outta here! –Port Authority Hobo: Does anybody on this bus have change for 36 nickels? –M60 bus Overheard by: Oz Skinner

Wednesday One-liners, Where Are You?

Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit. –St. Mark’s Church Overheard by: Alex Romanovich Woman: Where are all the restaurants? –Times Square station Overheard by: Kate Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you? –Gristede’s, 63rd & West End Overheard by: Susan Volchok Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn? –Central Park Overheard by: Captain Obvious Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan? –40th & Broadway Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square? –42nd & Broadway Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey. –85th & 2nd Overheard by: JDH

OMG! It’s Wednesday One-liners!

Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Overheard by: Bryant Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me. –E. 33rd Street office Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me! –42nd between 10th & 11th Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn. –CVS, Harlem Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to. –4 train Overheard by: Matt F.

Wednesday One-liners Are All Over the Map

Fat chick: Every single website, every newspaper, if it’s under
$200,000, it’s in China. –Starbucks, Astor Place Drunk guy: So, where would you want to get your gall bladder taken out: France or New York? –1st Avenue & 3rd Street Overheard by: Lisa H. Girl: Oh, look. It says, “I Heart Someone in Austin”!…Oh…with autism. Never mind. –W. 249th & Independence, The Bronx Overheard by: Bianca Townshend College girl: The real reason I went to San Francisco is that I wanted to go to Japan, but that was as far as I could afford. –14th Street 1/2/3 station Overheard by: Kevin Sheldon Girl:…so do you actually eat Lucky Charms in Ireland? –Wall & Broad Overheard by: David McG Guy: Is that a cruise ship? Oh no, wait. It’s New Jersey. –Sunset Park rooftop Overheard by: c dub