Overheard In New York

Archive for August, 2005

Depends on How Much Axle Grease You Put on It

Conductor: Good news for riders going local. This train is not going express, as previously announced, but going local, like normal. If there’s such a thing as normal…Questions? Comments? Suggestions? See your conductor, located in the center of the train. Don’t just walk around confused. Ask me! I know! Usually…Just a reminder to turn those frowns upside-down. Smiling burns more calories!
Guy: Giving the finger to the conductor burns calories, too. –R train Overheard by: Dawn

The Bosom Buddies Movie Looks Really Dumb

Yuppie guy #1: I’ll have a strawberry margarita. As fruity as possible. I just cover it up with a wife and kids.
Yuppie guy #2: Hey, I’m married, and I’m still not comfortable with my sexuality.
Yuppie guy #1: Really? –79th Street Boat Basin Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein

Which Class Do I Take to Learn About Blaming Jews?

Shopgirl #1: So school starts again soon?
Shopgirl #2: Yeah. School starts soon. But it’s not anything interesting, like math. It’s like, all history and sociology and ethnics. Ethics. –American Apparel, E. Houston Street Overheard by: isti

That Is, Like Powdered Joy

Guy #1: You have a problem with that shit.
Guy #2: I don’t like doing coke, I just like the way it smells. –Astoria Overheard by: Chris Nixon

Man, That Hobo Sure Gets Around

Hipster chick #1: …So I was giving this guy a handjob and he wasn’t circumcised…it was so bizarre looking.
Hipster chick #2: I know, isn’t it so weird? I’m all like, “What am I supposed to do with that thing at the top? Touch it, play with it, leave it alone?” –5th & A Girl #1: I just saw a bum peeing on 88th Street.
Girl #2: Was it big?
Girl #1: I didn’t notice. He was a bum. Even if he had John Holmes’ cock, I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole.
Girl #2: Was it big?
Girl #1: Not really. –6 train Overheard by: Matt Montini

Falling and Chipping Your Dentures Isn’t a “New Trick”

Girl #1: Jeez, that old woman just standing in the middle of the sidewalk, I wanted to push her.
Girl #2: You’re never too old to learn a lesson. –Balthazar, Spring Street Overheard by: zrd

As If Carrot Top Doesn’t Know His Own Tag Line

Hobo: Does anyone have a quarter so I can make a phone call?
Dude: You don’t need a quarter; just dial down the center, 1-800-CALL-ATT. –23rd & Park Overheard by: CoolyMadooly

You Know, You Could Vote Republican

Shoshana Bean: We keep messing up. God hates us!
Scott Alan: God hates us both. That’s awesome! –The Duplex, Christopher Street Overheard by: Thompson Patton