Archive for August, 2005

This Would Be a Great Start to a Horrible Sitcom

Drunk girl in stall #1: I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do now. My ex took the apartment.
Drunk girl in stall #3: That happened to my friend, but she’s a hooker now.
Drunk girl in stall #1: Oh my god, really?
Drunk girl in stall #3: Yeah…but she knows this guy who can get me a really good deal on coats. You want one? –Women’s bathroom, Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: Sober girl in stall #2

He’s So Obviously Some Murderer

Bag lady: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I have not had a meal in four days. If anyone can spare anything I would appreciate it…
Guy: Ma’am? Sit down here a second…Ma’am, these people may be fooled into compassion by your story, but I am not. I was out in the desert in Mexico once, just south of the Big Bend, and went eight days without a bite to eat. Out of pure desperation, on the ninth day I attacked a javelina with a sharp rock. I ate half of that pig raw before the thing quit kicking and died…
Woman: Good God!
Guy: Four days is nothing. If I see you again on the 2nd, and you’re up to seven days, I’ll take you out for a meal. I’ve taken up one minute of your time. Pro-rating a six-dollar-an-hour salary, that minute is worth ten cents. That’s before taxes of course, but I’m sure your accountant will sort all of that out for you. Good luck. –6 train Overheard by: BC Slais

Some of Us Call It Seared

Guy #1: The menu is on the board.
Guy #2: What’s the sea red dumpling?
Guy #1: Sea red? What are you talking about?
Guy #2: Right there, monster…sea red. –Dumpling Man, St. Marks Place Overheard by: Rathan Haran

Now Try to Explain Cell Phones vs. Cordless

Cell phone chick: So if you upgrade to this new plan for $10 more a month, we’ll give you a totally free phone. $0, free of charge. All you have to do is mail in a $50 rebate form.
Woman: Wait, I thought it was free.
Cell phone chick: It is, you just pay me $50, and then send in the rebate form and they’ll mail you a $50 check.
Woman: Wait, but it’s not free? My husband will kill me if I spend
money on a new phone. What’s 50 minus 50?…I went to Syracuse University, I’m a college educated person, and I’m still confused. Is it free? –Verizon, 34th between Broadway & 7th Overheard by: Jordan the Intern