Archive for October, 2005

Can’t We All Just Do What Rodney King Said?

Black woman: I’ll mess you up! I’ll be waiting for you downstairs, you man-on-man faggot! White trash!
White queer: You don’t scare me! I’ve dealt with the feds, I can
deal with you! –Welfare office, Boerum Hill Overheard by: Sheep Overhearder Black woman: Take that bag off your back.
White man: All it takes are two words: “excuse” and “me”.
Black woman: I’m not saying nothing to you.
White man: Sorry, I see that you only use your mouth for one thing, and that’s sucking dick.
Black woman: You are so rude. Take that back.
White man: Okay, I am sorry. I take it back. You also use your mouth for eating, as seen by the size of your enormous ass. –4/5 train

Sadly, He Means His Boss

Dude #1: Women today, they’re just like men. They’re just more…upfront about things. They’ll tell you what they want, and they aren’t shy about it.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yeah! And it’s great, because it means I don’t have to work as hard. –Brooklyn Heights

Just Transition Him Over to Blow

Fratboy #1: Dude, if he like, never went out at all and studied all the time, he could get As.
Fratboy #2: Yeah, but what’s the point in that?
Fratboy #1: What does he want to do again?
Fratboy #2: Well, he’ll never be good at business because he can’t hold his liquor.
Fratboy #1: We’ll have to help him out. –Columbia University

Keep Holding the Rest of Us Up, You Dumb Farts

Old lady: Julian! Get in the elevator, we are holding it for you.
Old man: I am in the elevator, it’s just my ass that was dragging behind. –Apartment building, 66th & West End Overheard by: Lubes Old lady: I’m not moving until the light says go.
Old man: Yeah, you don’t want to get that rundown feeling. –Crown Heights Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd

That’s What’s On His Business Cards

Tween girl #1: So like apparently my brother is engaged.
Tween girl #2: Really? Since when?
Tween girl #1: I dunno, found out at breakfast this morning.
Tween girl #2: Didn’t he like just finish high school?
Tween girl #1: Yeah, but she’s like still 17 and she’s got a two year old so she’s way worse off than him.
Tween girl #2: Well is it his kid?
Tween girl #1: Who knows? He’s not tellin’.
Tween girl #2: Probably is…what a man-ho slut wedder. –F train Overheard by: Supertramp