Archive for November, 2005

That’s Why He Invented Hell

Girl #1: Man, I really want some cigarettes, but I don’t have any cash.
Girl #2: Sorry, I don’t have any cash either.
Girl #1: Look, I found a 20! God like totally wants me to smoke. –Broadway & Prince

It’s That Pesky Tom Paine Again

Trainer guy #1: How do you say “sixty-nining” in Chinese?
Trainee lady: I don’t know…How do you say it in Trinidadian?
Trainer guy #2: There is no language called Trinidadian. They speak English. It was a British colony.
Trainee lady: What happened? –New York Health & Racquet Club, Whitehall Street

Sharpie is Just Their Name, Dimwit

Asian girl: So he gave me directions to go meet him.
White guy: What? I ain’t goin there, that neighborhood is all Cripped out! I ain’t about to get shot!
Asian girl: Look, I can call a car service to pick us up at the train station if it’s that big of a deal.
White guy: Naw, I’m kiddin’, I’ll just stab ‘em with a pen. –Walgreens, 4th Avenue

She Admires Their Ability to Smear Their Foes

Lady lawyer: Hey, what animal year are you?
Boy attorney #1: The monkey, I think.
Boy attorney #2: Dude, chimpanzees freak me out after seeing Outbreak.
Boy attorney #1: That was a monkey, not a chimpanzee.
Lady lawyer: The thing I don’t like about monkeys is their butts. –Office, East 45th Street