Overheard In New York

Archive for December, 2005

Not Exactly Cutting It Close

Girl #1: I can’t believe last year you had a boyfriend and this year you have a girlfriend! It’s like so nasty.
Girl #2: Oh please, next year you’re going to have a girlfriend too.
Girl #1: Hell no I ain’t. I made it through last year without a girlfriend and I’ll make it through this year too! –6 train Overheard by: Kimberly

The Father of the Year 2005 Nominees

Doorman #1: You know what I get to do with her? Besides cuddle, I mean. You know what I do?
Doorman #2: What?
Doorman #1: I get to expose my penis to her. –43rd & 5th

That’s Why God Uses It as Punishment

Girl #1: You’re going off the pill? What about STDs and AIDS?
Girl #2: Yeah, and babies!
Girl #1: STDs and AIDS are worse than babies.
Girl #2: True. –Madison & 26th Overheard by: K8 Girl #1: …It’s so scary how time flies.
Girl #2: You know what’s even scarier than that?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: AIDS. –68th & Broadway Overheard by: Anne O.

Her New Resolution is to Watch Memento

Guy: So…did you make any resolutions for the new year?
Girl: Ummm…I had one…but…I forgot it.
Guy: You forgot it? How do you expect to follow through on it if you already forgot it before the new year even starts?
Girl: I think it had something to do with me being neurotic. –Bamiyan, East 26th Street Overheard by: Nik G

Hobo’s Quick with the Puns

Hobo: So you two ladies want to go with me, I have a room at the Plaza?
Girl #1: No.
Hobo: Are you sure?
Girl #2: Please leave us alone.
Hobo: Okay, I’m a gentleman. See, I’m going to leave you alone. So will you come with me to the Plaza?
Girl #1: No.
Hobo: Okay. See I’m a gentleman, I’m going to leave you alone. You have a nice night.
Girl #1: Bye.
Hobo: Don’t fucking patronize me! –32nd & 2nd

Wait Until Overheard Gets to 2006

Crazy guy: 3 fucking white kids talking to a chink.
Chick #1: Little does he know that’s not the most offensive thing we’ve heard tonight.
Chick #2: Yeah, by comparison it was politically correct.
Chick #1: Yeah, it was kinda a relief. –4 train Hobo: This shit happens now! Y2K my ass, the world will end this New Year’s Day, 2006! Coming to a theatre near you… –A train Overheard by: Nina

“The ‘W’ stands for ‘weally’!”

Woman: They need to play more Rufus Wainwright. I only hear him on WFUV.
Man: Don’t you mean W-G-A-Y?
Woman: Oh, that was tactful. –Spade’s Noodles, Rice & More, 3rd Avenue

The Toe-curling Orgasms Are Sure a Plus

Dude #1: So it’s either lots of bran every day, or just wake up to a cigarette and coffee. Works for me every time.
Dude #2: So there’s a health benefit to your vices, huh?
Dude #1: I guess so.
Dude #2: I wonder if gay guys have good shits. Maybe that’s a benefit of anal sex.
Dude #1: I’ll stick to cigarettes and coffee, thanks. –Starbucks, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: iiams