Archive for 2005

Shamrock Day: the Aftermath

Short guy: You owe me money.
Hefty guy: I don’t owe you shit, Goldilocks! Don’t make me fucking slap you.
Short guy: I thought it was Erin Go Bragh, not Erin Go Fuck You Up. –N train Drunk Irish guy #1: So what are you ladies doing after this?
Drunk Irish girl #1: More bar hopping.
Drunk Irish guy #2: So you ladies into having some fun tonight?
Drunk Irish girl #2: What do you mean?
Drunk Irish guy #2: We could have one big drunken orgy.
Drunk Irish girl #2: Are you kidding me? Go blow out your ass, stupid.
Drunk Irish guy #2: OK, how about I feel those big tits?
Drunk Irish girl #1: You are an idiot.
Drunk Irish guy #2: Fuck you, you fat bitch. The guys walk away. Drunk Irish girl #3: Why did you have to say that for?
Drunk Irish girl #2: He was being a jerk.
Drunk Irish girl #3: But they are cute.
Drunk Irish girl #2: Yeah, you right. –44th & 8th Overheard by: kendra Sort of drunk guy: You’re getting more beer? You can barely walk.
Really drunk guy: That’s no reason to stop drinking. –Saint Mark’s Place & 3rd Ave.

Today’s Special: Passive Aggression

Waiter #1: Sit anywhere you’d like.
Guy: Thanks. Waiter #2 diverts him to a small table in an occupied section. Guy: So by “anywhere you’d like” you guys meant this exact table.
Waiter #2: Thank you. –Clark’s, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: TG

“…or give him the back door. Then he’ll forgive anything.”

Girl #1: I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have slept with that guy.
Girl #2: So what kind of sweater are we looking for?
Girl #1: Anything nice that proves how much I love him.
Girl #2: You should get him a white sweater. White is the color of remorse, I think.
Girl #1: But then he’ll understand I cheated on him. He might actually be suspicious already if I buy him a present without an apparent reason.
Girl #2: Just make him dinner then. –Banana Republic, 5th Ave.

The Homeless: Like the Circus, But Free!

Hobo #1: Check this out. He spits something across the car. Hobo #2: What was that?
Hobo #1: Tooth.
Hobo #2: Nice, nice. –F train A junkie hobo walks directly into the store’s window, almost breaking his nose. Seeing this, his homeless buddy responds, rather outraged: Again?! –Dunkin Donuts, 23rd St. between Broadway & Park Overheard by: Astrid Vanderpool

Happy Shamrock Day!

Woman #1: Oh God, I think I’m getting a horrible yeast infection.
Woman #2: Making bagels down there, huh?
Woman #1: Oh no, I’m not Jewish. I’m making Irish Soda Bread. –Penn Station Girl #1: I have nothing green to wear on Thursday.
Girl #2: What do you mean, you don’t own any green? You’re Irish! Green is our color! Along with beer. –Metro-North Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

Homeless Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: Anyone have any spare change or medicine for lice? –Christopher St. station Overheard by: Matthew Dyke Hobo: Excuse me, excuse me, sir, do you have change for a 12? –West 4th Street Singing hobo: I just spilled, I just spilled, I just spilled my blackberry brand-ayyyy. –14th St. & 6th Ave. Overheard by: wayne mitchell