Archive for 2005

Saccharine Might Be Better for Her

Woman in leggings: What the fuck is this shit? You gonna hand me three motherfucking sugar packets? Do you have any idea how big this coffee is?
Cashier: We don’t put sugar in your coffee. Sugar packets are on the counter.
Woman in leggings: Listen, my boyfriend’s a cop. And he owns, like, three Dunkin’ Donuts franchises. What do you mean you won’t put sugar in my fuckin’ coffee? I want to speak to the manager.
Manager: Excuse me, but I heard you. There are sugar packets on the counter. Take as many as you like.
Woman in leggings: You guys are total assholes. –Dunkin’ Donuts, 96th & Broadway Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

Let’s Stir Up Some Hilarity!

Receptionist: So, it’s your name on the insurance card?
Girl: No, it’s my partner’s.
Receptionist: Your husband?
Girl: No, my partner.
Receptionist: What’s his name?
Girl: Emily.
Receptionist: Your husband’s name is Emily?
Girl: She’s a girl.
Receptionist: Oh…Ohhh. –Park Slope ob/gyn Receptionist: Do you have an appointment here?
Guy: Yes, I’m the 3:35.
Receptionist: No, you’re not.
Guy: Oh yes I am.
Receptionist: This is gynecology.
Guy: Ah. –W. 72nd St. ob/gyn

New Yorkers: As Seen on TV

Woman #1: Excuse me, does the N train stop at Central Park?
Woman #2: Lady, go ask a fucking crystal ball, or learn how to read a damn subway map. –Union Square station Overheard by: Craig D A truck driver is parked on the side of the road, honking at what appears to be nothing at all. A female pedestrian shoots him a dirty look. Truck driver: Nobody’s honking at you, you dumb bitch! –Bay Ridge Tourist: Which way is the Empire State Building?
Newspaper vendor: What do I look like, a fuckin’ road map? –outside Grand Central Overheard by: Dork A trendy guy walked out into oncoming traffic, forcing an SUV to slam on the brakes. The driver screamed out of his open window: The hell you think you are, my hood ornament? –40th & 7th