Archive for 2005

Going to the Talkies (A NYC Short Story)

Old lady: What’s going on here?
Woman on line: They’re premiering a new film by Todd Solondz
Old lady: Yeah, but what’s it about?
Woman on line: It’s a pretty dark, sadistic movie.
Old lady: What’s it about? Did you not understand me the first time?
Woman on line: I haven’t seen it yet so I don’t know!
Old lady: Jesus. Standing on line for god knows how long and you don’t know a damn thing about what you’re there for! –outside Chelsea Cinemas, W. 23rd Street Overheard by: Abbie Mullaney

Today, He is Truly an African-American

Black guy: Good god. I had to actually work today.
Indian chick: By “work” you obviously mean taking credit for the many hours of hard labor endured by my fellow Indian IT brethren who report to you. You exploiting bastard.
Black guy: Ha, ha. Like slavery. But I’m Black.
Indian chick: Oh, the wicked irony.
Black guy: Word. –Wall Street Overheard by: drama

The NYC Subways (A Very Short Story)

Hobo: Stop making the fucking announcements twice, you cocksuckers. Fucking close the doors, don’t just keep them opening and shutting again! You muthafuckas! I need to fucking get home! I need to fucking feed my fish, yo! Fish need to eat too! Now have you seen those pigeons around the city? They carry mad disease…Where are you from, muthafucka? Pennsylvania? Oh, you must be a smart son of a bitch! Oh fuck! Close the doors you muthafucka! I need to feed my fish! Suck my balls! The doors finally close. Hobo: It’s about fucking time! We’re riding slower than if I was on a turtle’s back! And local stops too! My fucking fish are gonna fucking die! I should just make a goddamn goldfish sandwich with mayonnaise! A Black guy comes through the car doors from the car behind and observes the hobo. Black guy: Oh damn. Two wackos on one train? That’s too much.
Hobo: Close the door, please…cocksucker…Por. Favor. –E train Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Lestat is Spinning in His Grave

Ghetto queer: …my favorite author is Patricia Cromwell. Her books are insane! They’re all about murder. It gets so crazy that the FBI even gets involved and shit! She’s my girl.
Ghetto chick: I like urban novels.
Ghetto queer: What’s that?
Ghetto chick: You know, like reality. Stuff about life on the streets.
Ghetto queer: Mmm…I can’t get into that. I got enough reality in my life. But my sister is getting me into this vampire stuff. –G train Overheard by: Jim