Archive for 2005

Relax, It Was Yo-Yo Instructions

Dad: …you’ve got to use your middle finger.
Son: Which one’s the middle finger?
Dad: This one.
Son: Why’s it called the middle finger?
Dad: Because it’s in the middle of your hand, I guess. There’s two fingers on either side.
Son: That’s retarded.
Dad: It may sound retarded, but that’s the way it is. –Astoria corner store

Have a Cracktastic Weekend, New York

Guy #1: Are you on crack?
Guy #2: No…
Guy #1: Man, you’re wearing like five jackets. You’re telling me you’re not on crack? –31st & 8th Man: So I said, “Bitch, I’ll buy you weed, but you want crack go get it yourself!” –125th & Park Woman: I’m not a crackhead. I’m a crack user. There’s a difference. –Smith & 9th station Overheard by: Paul Ford Boy #1: Damn, almost be fallin’ in the tracks.
Boy #2: Dog, you know when you’re on crack you shouldn’t play by the track. –96th Street 6 station Overheard by: Eric Barthels

Miss– He is Most Assuredly Not a New Yorker

Man: So I have a great New York Story for you!
Woman: Well, you are the New Yorker, let’s hear it…
Man: Well, I went to the bathroom the other day, and you’ll never guess what happened!…You will never guess what happened to me in the bathroom the other day!…My cell phone came flying out of my pocket and got totally soaked! Cingular was like, “That phone is dead.” –85th & CPW

Overheard Goes to the Cinema

Girl #1: He fine.
Girl #2: Who? Anakin?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Finer den Usher?
Girl #1: Nah, nobody finer den Usher. –The Pavilion, Park Slope Black guy: Yo, fuck the Jedi. It’s all about the Dark Side. I’m the other Dark Lord you’ve been looking for. –86th & Lexington Overheard by: Joshua S. Girl: Oh my god, all this time I thought I was a Buddhist, but I’m really a Sith. –UA movie theater, Union Square Overheard by: Lara Evangelista