Archive for 2005

She Got Thrown Out Soon After (For Serious)

Girl: Why are you making fun of people? Someone as fat as you shouldn’t be runnin’ your mouth to nobody!
Drunk guy: OK, I may be fat but can lose weight. You’ll always be a nigger.
Girl: Ooh, so now you’re stupid and fat? Look drunk-ass, I’m not Black, I’m Dominican!
Drunk guy: Oh my bad, you’re a Spanish-speaking nigger. –Croxley Ale House, Avenue B

My Children Will Be Named Airport and Telephone

Guy on cell: What’s with all these WASPy names for kids all of a sudden? Don’t people know that Carter and Porter are just tradesman’s names?…Well, Porter is a guy who carries bags, and Carter is a guy who pushes carts…Well, it hardly aspirational, is it?…I mean, I think I’ll name my first-born Cobbler just to stay with the trend. –53rd & 9th

They Save the Steamy Stuff for the DVD

Girl #1: Oh my God, I watched American Treasure last night.
Girl #2: What, no good?
Girl #1: Oh my God it was horrible.
Girl #2: The trailer made it look kind of cool.
Girl #1: That’s what I thought too. But then you actually watch it and there’s nothing about American currency. –Bar 288, Elizabeth Street Overheard by: Margaret

The Bats Turn Them Corky

Caribbean guy: Hey, I’m looking for a Jason Ghi-ambi baseball bat.
Store guy: An autographed bat?
Caribbean guy: I’m not paying fifty dollars for no bat.
Store guy: What do you need the bat for?
Caribbean guy: I just really need to bash someone’s head in, you know what I’m saying?
Store guy: You don’t need a Jason Giambi bat for that. Any of these bats can be used for bashing someone in the head. –Triangle Sports, Flatbush Overheard by: Owen