Girl on cell: You know, you ought to cancel your July 4th party and make it happen on July 16th so I can crash…What do you mean, July 4th only happens once? July 16th could be July 4th. Just buy some illegal fireworks, put on some American pops orchestral music, and barbeque some chicken, and there you go…I’m sure our forefathers were still celebrating on July 16th. They were probably wasted off of their asses! –LIRR Overheard by: Megan C.
White guy: Yo, what up my nigga?
Black guy: Chillin’, bro.
White chick #1: Did you hear what he just said?
White chick #2: Yeah, but it’s OK, he said nigga, not nigger. –Sullivan Street Overheard by: Uncle Ray Ray
Cashier dude: The only credit cards we accept are American Express.
Old guy: Do you take Visa? –Costco, LI City
Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole. –7 train
Guy #1: Hey, how was your weekend?
Guy #2: Pretty good. I met her mother on Sunday.
Guy #1: Wow, great. Did you tell her that you two got married?
Guy #2: No, not yet. We’ll tell her we’re engaged next week and go from there. –Esperanto Cafe, MacDougal Street
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on. –Washington Heights
Tourist lady: Can I get an all day subway pass?
Token booth guy: Sure, $7.
Tourist lady: How long will that last? –Times Square station Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
Boy #1: Ha, ha, ha, ha! What did the shoe say to the foot? How’s it footin’?
Boy #2: Ha, ha, ha, ha! What did the bus say to the street? How’s it streetin’?
Boy #1: Ha, ha, ha, ha! What did the airplane say to the building?
Boy #2: Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Boy #1: Hello, I’m gonna crash into you now. –M60 bus Overheard by: marisa
Punk boy: Which way is Delancey Street?
Stoop guy: That’s Delancey.
Punk girl: Well, they must have moved it then. –Essex between Delancey & Rivington
Suit: Excuse me. You know, if you wouldn’t stand in the doors, we could all get on and get off a lot faster.
Woman: Shut the fuck up, bitch. –A train, Jay Street station Overheard by: David Wood